The End Once Again

Posted by Raul on November 25, 2009

 

 

Why it has to be that way? Why it always starts like if everything clicks to later find so many differences?

 

Some casual talking with brief locking eyes, little by little getting to know more about each other, feeling the heart beat faster every time a coincidence in preferences arise. Then creating excuses to meet more often, finding ways to be together: a coffee break, lunch, then maybe a movie and dinner in a quiet restaurant.

 

We found so many coincidences, so many things in common, we thought we found the right person and played our cards, we wanted to be together. After some encounters of great sex and laughing we thought we were made for each other. We made plans together.

 

But after just a couple of months sharing our lives we started to see the differences. At first little things like the kind of coffee, the way to keep stuff organized, the time of the day to tend the bed. Later bigger things like spending priorities, long term projects. To finally discover all the hidden things never told before; what was expected in bed and never received, what didn’t enjoy but accepted just to comply, so many little and big things that make us look at each other like complete strangers after a fight, after getting all the details, thoughts and feelings hidden that went out in a moment of a heated argument.

 

Then the decision, the departure, the tears and loneliness; back to the beginning, back to a solitary life, back to be afraid of another relationship, afraid of getting hurt again!

 

Memories, feelings, loneliness; is it just a cycle that repeat itself over an over again? How many times before finally finding the right one? How many times before knowing that the person at our side is the one we will grow old with? Is it just a matter of time? But how many times?

 

Back to a gray, flat routine kind of life. No more bright days, no more happy rain, no more laughter for stupid things, no more feeling the heart beating hard!

 

The end once again!

 

 

 

 

Reunion

Posted by Raul on November 5, 2009

 

 

They were waiting for me…I know.

The night was too silent, too quiet!

I could feel some sort of shiver in my back while driving.

At some point decided to turn on all the lights in my van; just a precaution!

Or maybe it was fear, I don’t know.

The empty street seemed to extend forever, the houses were obscured and silent, no one around.

My heart was beating at a faster pace every second!

But I just kept driving, afraid and excited with anticipation, poisoned with fear and curiosity.

The engine was running smooth and powerful, the stereo was playing a soft melody, and all the needles in the instrument panel were stable, like holding position afraid to move!

Then it happened!

 

The engine died! The lights went off and the stereo fell silent; the van coasted to a halt.

My heart was racing! I could feel my skin itching. Eyes wide open and some drops of cold sweat running off my forehead.

I don’t know how long I remained seated in the vehicle before I was able to get enough courage to open the door and venture outside.

I can’t remember all the details, just some images, like an old black and white movie.

It seemed that time was standing still.

No sounds, no movements.

 

I started to walk with no direction, no destination, like under hypnosis.

I could feel my body, myself, my thoughts.

There was something there, someone!

Walked for a mile or two, I don’t know.

Walked like a robot, a machine.

Walked without looking back.

Walked without showing my fears, my doubts, my curiosity.

Walked to an open space.

Walked to a halt!

Dark, silent, motionless night.

Then light! Warmth, excitement!

 

Light from above!

No sound, no noise, no nothing!

Just light.

Silently it moved to my right, then drop to the ground.

Darkness again!

Something was there, I could feel it!

Like a hum, a very smooth vibration in the air.

A sweet, almost imperceptible sound that went across my body and relaxed me,

an unknown feeling that comforted my mind and fears.

Then light again!

 

A vertical, rectangular door of light to my right was growing from nowhere!

No…there was something! I could barely distinguish a silhouette of some sort around the light; a shape.

Like an oblong figure.

Like two dishes facing each other, one standing on the ground, the other on top, the rectangular light in the middle.

I was shaking, yet comforted, afraid yet reassured, worried, yet excited!

Then I saw it!

 

A shape in the light!

A body; someone, some sort of being coming out of the light.

Or maybe it was just a person walking thru a door, I don’t know.

A defined shape, a body, looking at me while walking to me!

 

He stopped walking when reaching about forty feet from me.

Just there, just standing, just looking at me!

A dark silhouette surrounded by intense light.

Fear, excitement, cold sweat in me.

How long? One minute? Twenty minutes? One second? I don’t know.

Images raced thru my head!

Feelings crossed my body!

Heat and cold.

Darkness and light.

Fear and happiness.

Excitement and boredom.

 

He turned around and walked back to the light.

I could see the shape going away.

I could feel my body being drained.

I couldn’t move.

No thoughts, no feelings.

Just standing there!

 

Everything went dark.

Every feeling was shut off.

Like someone’s life terminated!

 

I don’t remember what happened next.

I was seating in my van.

The engine was running smoothly.

The stereo was playing a soft melody.

The needles were stable.

I was looking forward, motionless.

 

I checked the gear lever. It was in Park.

Changed to Drive and started driving.

Finished my delivery shift.

Went home.

Went to bed.

I couldn’t sleep.

 

I don’t know what happened.

I don’t know if it was real or just my imagination.

I can’t remember more details.

 

This morning the phone ringed.

It was a salesman offering something.

He waked me up.

I was tired, needed more sleep.

I was mad!

The mirror in the bedroom exploded!

 

Did I do that?!

What’s happening to me now?!!