Posted by Raul on January 6, 2011
If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting!
Standing here in the cold, getting so much snow, freezing! I can’t wait to go again, move, go somewhere and do something! Get this cold feeling out of me while running around.
I wish I had a home like some other lucky ones that have a roof to spend the winter; a roof to protect myself from this blowing snow and wind that always get the best of me. Summer is fine and even that the sun can be really harsh sometimes at least doesn’t get me paralyzed like cold does.
There are times when I get myself lost in my memories of the times when I was young and stronger. Those times when I used to shine in the presence of others, older than me, and thinking that the whole world was waiting for me to see. Those younger years, how wonderful times!
Now I’m old and don’t get much attention and I know, they are mostly waiting for me to die and then get rid of me once and for all. How easily they forget! How many times they needed me and were dependant on me.
I am deteriorating, I know; maybe another winter, maybe not. Everything inside me is dying, I can feel it! Then I’ll be gone.
The kids, I remember, they were so happy to spend time with me, now they have grown and gone; they have their lives, kids of their own.
So what is the meaning of life? To be used when needed and discarded when old? Forgotten, like an old blanket worn out by time. And what is so special about me? Would someone be interested in me at this advanced age? Wanting to take care and make me young and strong again? Would I get to be loved again for who I am and not for what I can do for others? Am I so special for someone to say “don’t let him die”?
I guess is the way things are for an old family car like me!
Raul
(The actual owner of the car)
P.S. Old, battered car for sale!
Posted by Raul on October 28, 2010
Dark clouds will come to stay and it’ll rain everyday
A chilly breeze will take home and remain
Birds will lower their voices and no singing will be heard again
And all the material toys will become stone and collect dust as their only purpose
And home will become a box
And sunshine just a memory
And laughter will migrate to an unknown place
And the sense of reality will fade
And every road will loose its end
A dark, silent creature standing in the middle of nowhere
Surrounded by an unseen, vibrant, alive world
Haunted by memories and feelings
But only tears will flourish
And a long forgotten smile will stay away
From one reality to another
Like an instant travel between two different worlds
So lost, so confused!
After you die…
Posted by Raul on September 9, 2010
After spending some time reviewing the stuff I’ve posted so far, it seems to me the categorization used it’s not reflecting the kind of posts in some of them and might lead to confusion, so I’ve decided to add three more categories and reassign some of the posts so far published.
Those categories are: Memories, Fiction and Projections
The first two are self explanatory and for the third one, well…one of the things I love to do is try to fit myself in somebody else’s shoes; not physically but in my mind, so to have a chance to see the world around through somebody else’s eyes and thus experience the feelings and thoughts of that person (It’s like going to the movies without spending money!)
So far I’ve published four posts under that concept in the category “Entertainment” but now it just doesn’t seem to fit the original intention, so after some brainstorming (while not seating in the toilet) I’ve decided to create this new category called “Projections” (most of the brainstorming was about choosing the name! Can you tell?)
Anyway, this new category, together with Fiction will allow you to know I’m not talking about myself but rather I am someone else at that moment, at the same time that it’ll allow me to try to understand my own thoughts and feelings (what a clever old chap I am, right?…RIGHT?…oh well!)
Now, if somebody reading the post happens to be in that situation I’ll be very happy to hear his/her opinion so to evaluate the accuracy of the Projection and improve my procedures. Thank you beforehand for your help and sharing your experience.
So to get started, here is an old one for Projections…hope you like it.
Raul
The End Once Again
Why it has to be that way? Why it always starts like if everything clicks to later find so many differences?
Some casual talking with brief locking eyes, little by little getting to know more about each other, feeling the heart beat faster every time a coincidence in preferences arise. Then creating excuses to meet more often, finding ways to be together: a coffee break, lunch, then maybe a movie and dinner in a quiet restaurant.
We found so many coincidences, so many things in common, we thought we found the right person and played our cards, we wanted to be together. After some encounters of great sex and laughing we thought we were made for each other. We made plans together.
But after just a couple of months sharing our lives we started to see the differences. At first little things like the kind of coffee, the way to keep stuff organized, the time of the day to tend the bed. Later bigger things like spending priorities, long term projects. To finally discover all the hidden things never told before; what was expected in bed and never received, what didn’t enjoy but accepted just to comply, so many little and big things that make us look at each other like complete strangers after a fight, after getting all the details, thoughts and feelings hidden that went out in a moment of a heated argument.
Then the decision, the departure, the tears and loneliness; back to the beginning, back to a solitary life, back to be afraid of another relationship, afraid of getting hurt again!
Memories, feelings, loneliness; is it just a cycle that repeat itself over an over again? How many times before finally finding the right one? How many times before knowing that the person at our side is the one we will grow old with? Is it just a matter of time? But how many times?
Back to a gray, flat routine kind of life. No more bright days, no more happy rain, no more laughter for stupid things, no more feeling the heart beating hard!
The end once again!
Posted by Raul on August 16, 2010
When I was about 16 years old I was living in a different city than my parents and used to go visit them on weekends.
One Saturday morning, when arriving at my parent’s house, I found my father ready to go hunting with a shotgun, he invited me to go with him and I accepted because, at the side of spending some time together, I was curious about the firearm.
After walking for a couple of minutes my father asked me if I wanted to give a try to the gun and I accepted; how tempting to hold the gun, aim at something and pull the trigger to see and feel it in action!
With the gun in my hands I looked around to find a target and saw a small bird standing in a high, wooden pole, so I aimed to the little bird and pulled the trigger.
The small bird didn’t fly with the sound of the firearm, didn’t even start to flap its wings, it simply fell off to the ground without any movement, lifeless, dead.
While falling, even before it hit the ground, I was already feeling remorse for killing it. It was doing nothing, just standing there, being, alive, but because I didn’t think ahead of the consequences, I just aimed and shot, the little creature ceased to exist.
I felt really bad!
I remember giving the gun back to my father and telling him that I would never hold a firearm in my hands again. We walked back to his house in complete silence and had never talked about that situation.
I don’t know what my father’s feelings were at that moment and I don’t know if he knew what my feeling were, but I believe it wasn’t important then and is not today; nothing changed between us.
I don’t know if he remembers that moment but I do, and decide to write about it here in my blog.
More than 30 years have gone by and I kept my word, I’ve never held another gun in my hands and I still don’t like them.
Because of that moment I had the opportunity to think about people and guns and come to the conclusion that, not only guns are for destruction, but also how fragile life can be and how important is to protect it.
I was a 16 years old kid, curious about how a firearm would feel when fired and by making a stupid mistake I learned to respect life, anticipate consequences and stay away from guns.
Raul
Posted by Raul on July 7, 2010
Visiting Wendi’s blog “Life’s Little Inspirations” and after reading several of her posts I ended up in the one called “Hand in Hand”.
Wendi has an amazing blog and the post “Hand in Hand” with the video included in it simply made me cry! Such an inspiring post and video!
After watching and spending some time thinking about it and feeling a bit tearful I started to remember the old saying: Men Don’t Cry.
How many times we heard that one while growing up?
To be honest, I cry a lot! No, I’m not a cry baby or the kind that cries when getting physically hurt (Bleeding is my middle name! Well, not really) but I do cry very easily with emotional things: When the main character of the movie dies and violins are playing; when the lovers in the movie have to split forever and violins are playing; when in the movie child and mother are reunited after being separated by tragic circumstances and violins are playing again!
Damn violins! I hate them!
But seriously, my point is that when it is something about sad and some times even happy feelings I do cry and even though I try to hide it (because we live surrounded by society) I also let it be since, in my concepts, it is what makes us human.
I am a man, and one of the points that prove it is that I can cry! I’m human.
Honestly I don’t care much about the old saying and/or the concept around that men have to be tough.
At the other hand, if a man doesn’t cry, either he is creating a bomb inside or he has no feelings…well, I have feelings and definitely don’t want to create a bomb inside waiting to explode.
Maybe it should be more about guiding boys about the meaning of crying rather than just simplifying and applying the old saying as part of their growing process.
And with it fewer women will say: “You are so insensitive!”
But at the other hand some women could say: “I want a real man, not someone that cries for everything!”
Oh well, I better quit analyzing! 
Raul
