Posted by Raul on December 20, 2010
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It’s been a long time since visiting this old house. Maybe the memories are too many; maybe the sadness of the departure is too much, I don’t know.
We used to walk for hours talking about so many things; I holding his hand and jumping from time to time, hanging from the strong arm of the old man. Listening to the stories that came every time we walked down this path, to finally without fault, end up the trip in the old bench under the trees, to listen more amazing stories about every little object and creature that could be seen around.
Fall was the time to go visit for I don’t remember what reason. A child running over the accumulated leaves on the ground, and the smile of the old man intently watching, perhaps immersed in memories of his own childhood, gone long time ago.
The wind blowing leaves sometimes, and the cold air coming in everyday with more intensity, as fall made its grand entrance to the stage of life in that remote corner of the world.
Years later, coming back on my own, just to make a short visit to the old man and have a little chat close to the fireplace inside his home.
I remember the time I came with a big smile and a heart full of hopes, after receiving the white paper with golden letters that certified my graduation to the profession that should be the beginning of an exciting life ahead. I remember the serious look in his eyes while reading the piece of paper, then the hand shaking with some emotional eyes that reflected pride and support.
Standing from the big chair and walking to a closet at the other end of the room, to grab an old bottle of wine reserved for some special occasion. A drink by the fireplace, the feeling of being supported, the continuation of himself through the ways of the little one that wasn’t a child anymore, and could be considered another adult, worth of having a glass of wine with.
Then, years later, driving the old road to the old house, to introduce to the old man the new one, the fourth in line, the one just born a couple of months before. His tired hands holding the baby and looking at him with serious eyes, as analyzing the veracity of his existence, or perhaps the pride of seeing how life gave him another step in his long road, I don’t know.
By the time of the next visit strangers where there, violating the space and the property that used to be the old man’s life. Learning then that he was no more, that he was gone, to the eternal trip to become part of the universe, the whole; leaving a feeling of emptiness in those who remained behind.
Today I came back, to the house of a stranger, to walk the trails with tall trees giving the leaves away to cover the ground one more time before winter takes place. Walking the same path done so many times in the past, recalling so many memories of the time spent with the old man.
The bench is still there, but showing signs of not being used anymore, perhaps for a long time now, but standing strong as a monument to the memories that will never die. The place where the old man and I sat for hours to talk, creating that strong relationship that cannot be explained with words…
Posted by Raul on October 21, 2010
01- “Luck doesn’t exist…it is our own doing that brings us the good or bad things we receive”
-So how then do I influence the action of buying the right Lottery ticket number?
02- “Everything happens for a reason and is an opportunity to improve ourselves in the future”
-Should I tell that to the Jewish men and women that spent several years in concentration camps just to die there after so many tribulations?
-The early death of my child allowed me to learn the deep meanings of life, but how can I tell my child “you had to die so I could learn”
03- “We master our own universe, we are in control and it depends on us how we perceive our reality and how we control it”
-Then the earthquake came and we lost our house and all our possessions.
04- “I choose to be in love with everything and everyone; I love my surroundings and all that is part of it; I see the beauty in all the things and people that are part of this wonderful world”
-Including that wonderful being that happily went on driving after several drinks and run over my child.
I’ve been lucky enough not to loose a child; I been lucky enough not to be in a concentration camp; I’ve been lucky enough not even to win the lottery (which I don’t play). Yes, I’ve been lucky enough…but I’m not blind, and even though I love life, nature, and I do believe there is goodness in people, sometimes when looking around I can’t stop being a cynic for a moment!
A cynicism exercise…to dust off this human capability that protects us from our own, sometimes innocent blindness.
I’m not feeling down or disappointed, I just want to experience the full range of human feelings, at the same time that I taste a bit of reality, so my feet can remain on the ground.
Raul
Posted by Raul on July 1, 2010
I give you my heart, my love, my feelings…but don’t take my time, my direction, my interests.
You said you gave me your heart, your love, your feelings…but you don’t do what I say and don’t do what I want…what makes me happy.
I desire you, I want you, I like the way you talk and smile and the way you make love…I want to have you by my side for whatever the time arises when my senses need you…and so the same is with you.
And so the same is with you…within you.
Then Confusion marries them in a memorable ceremony while Selfishness and Egoism serve as witnesses and Guilt is taking the pictures.
Too sarcastic? Let’s try a different approach…
I admire you, I respect you; the things you do and the way you do them and spending time talking about your dreams and fears gives me the opportunity to try to help you achieve what you want; and when I see you so happy for your accomplishments I feel happy inside.
So helping you achieve becomes my achievement and your satisfaction and peace become my own satisfaction and peace.
And so the same is with you…within you.
Then Love married them in a memorable ceremony while Innocence and Honesty served as witnesses and Growth was taking the pictures.
And then the connection creates the mutual vibration that attracts the bodies in the physical plane so the physical contact enhances the relation between us to complement that connection.
So holding hands or kissing, an arm over the shoulder or sex, whatever the physical expression might be it only complements, rounds and perfect the feelings I have for you.
But then we have the differences.
Patience, understanding and acceptance are the tools to play with to reach a common ground where we both can play at home while continue to move forward together in a growing process to the end.
Two independent units purposely intersecting and realigning their paths; then they travel together in mutual cooperation to reach their personal dreams and the common one created by their relationship.
How’s that? Better?
What do you think?
Raul
Posted by Raul on January 13, 2010
It is surprising when we observe the way we all, or at least the big majority of us, has been raised; the vision of the world and how to get prepared to interact in a successful way throughout our lives.
There is a song from the 70’s from my country called: “Los Momentos” (The Moments) by “Los Blops” that says it all
“Nos hablaron una vez cuando niños
Cuando la vida se muestra entera
Que el futuro, que cuando grande
Ahi murieron ya los momentos
Sembraron así su semilla
Y tuvimos miedo, temblamos y en esto
Se nos fue la vida”
“We were told once when children
When life shows itself
Of the future, of being grown up
There the moments die
They sow their seed
And we were scared, tremble and in this
Our life was gone”
This translation is not the most accurate but shows the idea of the words.
We are told that we should get prepared and study hard to get the highest certification possible so later we can grab the best position in a big company with great benefits. We should work hard and always be doing something in order to be efficient and prepared.
Then we become more like machines that follow established procedures than human being that enjoy life while living it. We become registered numbers that have a place in the machine while crying from inside we know something is wrong.
So “the moments”, the innocence of a child that sees the world as a marvelous thing full of amazing surprises is lost; the eternal discovery that starts with watching a bird flying or a flower opening to the sun, to later discover the properties of numbers or the incredible chemical reactions of elements, to then find the amazing works of the universe, etc, everything turns into obligated tasks to learn instead of the fresh desire of discovery.
The concept and the process of learning are turned from a natural human characteristic into society rules and punishments to follow and be afraid of. No longer the discovery process is enhanced and promoted as a human joy but rather reduced to tasks and obligations to tap as a condition of maturity and good behavior.
Maybe it is our own feelings of failure in a materialistic society, where we didn’t acquire the elevated price tag of possessions to comply with the standards of success imposed in this trade based society, that pushes us to direct our own children into the path of accomplishments rather than discovery; all in the name of their own good.
Maybe is just a standard we follow in the process of raising our children without questioning of its real effectiveness and the consequences it may brings to them.
The process becomes a cycle and the chain remains throughout generations and only those who visualize the imposed concepts and dare to escape the golden rules become free to create a change in this continuous cycle of society norms that has the purpose of creating effective being at the cost of their human part.
Raul
Posted by Raul on January 6, 2010
Let’s get serious here! We need to be more childish.
A five years old child can get amazed with the sight of a rabbit running around, a flying bird, a flower, a discovery, maybe a simple toy.
An adult, responsible person, has to be serious, hard working, concerned with the material world, without time for simplicities like moments of observing nature, enjoying the breeze, the sunshine, etc.
In this society we are raised to be grey!
How about being a little childish so to keep the capability of marvel on simple things from life? Keeping the possibility of enjoying what we have instead of suffering for what we don’t have.
Throughout our lives we are reminded of being responsible people (which is good) but the child in us is repressed because is not proper of a responsible adult, so we become grey people trying to do right things and forgetting simple, marvelous ones.
It’s no wonder after a while we require the accumulation of material stuff in order to justify the loss of something inside us…our childish side.
Basically our childish side is still with us, just repressed; and it struggles to surface in the way of acquiring toys that are accepted among adults, like cars, houses, clothing, etc.
These material possessions are presented as trophies of someone who lives a successful life, but many times these are no other than replacement toys for a child inside the grey, responsible adult in the outside.
A big house, a luxury motorhome and boat, ATVs, several fancy cars, maybe a motorcycle with lots of chrome. Are these the reflection of a logic, mature adult? Or maybe it is more the reaction of a repressed child inside?
Do we really need all this elements as appropriate tools for everyday life?
Don’t get me wrong, I am not against having material possessions; what I am against is of living in the wrong concept without realizing that what we are after is really toys for our inner child and not the reflection of a successful, responsible adult.
With a hand in our heart, we don’t need all that stuff, we just want it, and if we decide not to get it, and because of that we are criticize by others, that should only mean they don’t understand their inner selves.
Do we get these to satisfy others? Like I show them I did it in life? Or maybe I am acting like a child that needs approval from the rest?
If I know who I am I don’t need to feel their approval so I don’t have to comply with an imposed standard of success; then I’m free to realize all these material possessions are just the toys for my inner child.
Let’s recognize the child within us, let give this child room for living inside and free to help us be happier, enjoying the simple things from life. If we do that, next time we stand in front of all our material possessions we will see them with different eyes.
Raul
