Posted by Raul on March 16, 2013
I don’t remember how long ago it was; I don’t even remember if it was in this life or a previous one; or maybe some another planet perhaps.
Hugging together, standing there, eyes closed, the sweet yet loud music, with a slow rhythm that guided the gently rocking of our bodies; the dim light that allowed to see an alien place that we didn’t know where it was, but just didn’t care. Colored lights moving around through the mist and the smoke, to reach the shadows of the many undefined shapes around, turning them into a never ending changing world of dreams and feelings that wasn’t worth to study and classify just then.
My fingers sweetly touching the lines of your face; drawing again a beautiful sculpture already made. I am not the artist to create your beauty, I’m just enjoying the art of your existence, now so close to me. The music; your perfume; the gentle rocking of our bodies in the ether of the night and the shadows all around; the slight vision of your lips and your smile; your shinning eyes looking at me; the feeling of floating in a dark, pleasant bubble of eternal existence or maybe death. …We kissed.
Floating in space, turning around in a very slow motion without control, which we didn’t mind not having at all, yet enjoying the feeling of vertigo created in our bodies. With no hurry for what could be next but just enjoying the moment for as long as it’ll go. We remain; we simply let go. Giving up to whatever is, might or will be; we just don’t care. I hear your breathing and feel your body pushing closer to mine, trying to fuse together in one that will be eternal in space. My arms around you tighten while my breathing becomes heavier and my body trembles with complete disregard of the rhythm in the music around.
Then the music stops; the lights and the shadows disappear and the physical world is gone. Just you and me; I see your eyes, your face, and nothing else around exists. Is this what they call being at the Gates of Heaven? There is no mind; there is no logic; perhaps there is not even consciousness. I look at you without thoughts to have but just infinite pleasure in my being; and I can feel your pleasure like mine through the shine in your eyes and the smile of your beautiful lips…and so we kiss again; this time in an eternal kiss of sweet lip movements guided perhaps by our arrhythmic breathing and our trembling bodies; with varied intensity that goes between the slight touch to the furious pressing like the muscles in our arms and bodies. Is this what they call love?
Walking down an empty street at night I can hear music coming out from a place under closed doors, with a neon sign blinking outside and a man in a coat standing by the door, smoking a cigarette and dinking from a bottle of who knows what. Some standing water left from the rain just an hour ago on the concrete floor, reflecting the lights at the top of the buildings around. Street lights; some dark, cold cars parked around by an empty street somewhere downtown; and the shadows that follow me wherever I go, bringing memories from a past time that I simply forgot when it was but can’t get rid of the feelings that haunts me, reminding me that a part of me was left behind so long ago.
Posted by Raul on March 7, 2013
This is another Unconscious writing I did some time ago. I still don’t understand the meaning, but I believe is my unconscious describing my feelings about my marriage and parenthood.
As before, I didn’t change the writing, so you’ll notice many mistakes, but I like to keep it the way it came out so to try to see what is my unconscious mind trying to tell.
After many years of feeling abandoned by luck Creature One met Creature Two. The joy of company while walking the desolation of a destroyed world replaced the grayness of rain that kept washing out the sprouts of colors that persistently tried to sprout everywhere. Finally there was hope for Creature One to color the surroundings in its path to nowhere.
The rain stopped!
But walking with four legs instead of two proved to be more difficult than what Creature One anticipated, and the continuous falling and getting up to walk, just to fall again, became tiring and extremely mind wearing.
After many sun approaches and cold seasons passing, the tiredness became the norm, and with it, the questioning and the confusions that haunted Creature One returned to its mind, just to find itself at the beginning of the journey, only tired and in a faraway place that couldn’t be recognized anymore.
Does really one plus one become two? Or there are instances when one plus one becomes zero? Could be that the addition of physical elements sometimes become a subtraction? And in that situation, the subtraction becomes disappearance or nullification?
The rain came back!
So Creature One was walking alone once more, but now has to come back…or walk in circles; a road to nowhere!
Creature plus Creature should have to be two; One plus Two should have to be two; then why Creature One plus Creature Two equals zero? Unless…the only reason for the plus is to get to the point of Creature Three! Then the feeling of abandonment disappeared again: Creature Three was here!
The rain stopped once more!
Colors finally sprout everywhere and the destroyed world took shape. It didn’t matter anymore what the outcome should be for Creature One, as long as the colored world remained for Creature Three to enjoy and absorb, so the circle will close and the once destroyed world ceased finally to exist.
Posted by Raul on June 6, 2011
In any relationship that might be: marriage, parenthood, friendship, etc. the use of bad words or insults in reference to the person we are talking to as a way of joking is something I really dislike. I do understand and accept their use as part of the joke, and we know there are times when a thousand words cannot explain what one single bad word does.
But when those words are used to directly refer to the other person, it is my opinion that slowly but surely it helps deteriorate the relationship.
Say for instance, you make a silly joke to a loved one and the response to you, as a joke, is: “Jerk!”
It might be just a joke, just a word, nothing that has a real meaning or that comes from the heart of the person saying such word, yet (unconsciously) it does become already traveled road that opens the door for another road, and then another, then another, to the point that, without even knowing, the use of insults becomes the norm, putting the relationship interactions too close to the side of disrespect.
Everything we do repeatedly will become a custom and will loose its original intensity.
Having sex before marriage as another process of getting to know each other before deciding if marriage is for them, that I agree; while having sex as a normal element of any party, and just for the temporary pleasure it gives; that I disagree.
Discovering new technologies by their use as a way to learn, adapt to the new times while improving our efficiency, I agree; but getting the latest just to be with the crowd and don’t look like left behind, that I disagree.
In everything we do, if we do it very often, we will loose the magic involved in the process, and it’ll become just the base for something else to acquire in order to recover the lost magic of the first times.
For the same reason, if it becomes the norm to use insults to joke with a loved one, then pretty soon it’ll be necessary to use stronger words to retain the “fun” of it, to the point that someone external to the circle will become shocked by the way they joke with each other.
What has become a natural thing for some could be an extreme for the rest.
Joking with bad words brings resentment in the long run, and also creates a situation of disrespect, even if there was no intention of such thing from the part of those using the bad words.
That’s why I disagree with the use of insults as jokes when referring to a loved one. To keep a positive relationship in the long run, sometimes we have to “invest” in not going too far, as a way to always remain within the range of respect and love each other deserves.
My personal opinion of course.
What is your take on that? Do you accept the use of bad words as jokes with your loved ones?
Posted by Raul on January 24, 2011
If you decide to diagnose your vehicle why it doesn’t start, check first the Crankshaft Position Sensor instead of the Ignition Pack and harness…it’ll save you a lot of time!
Last week I’ve been spending a lot of time with a vehicle that simply refuses to show what the problem is and why it doesn’t want to run. I’ve checked the ignition; timing; wiring; fuel delivery system; vacuum controls for leaks; etc, and it shows everything fine, yet it refuses to run!
For many years I’ve considered cars as a reflection of people; not only because we all tend to choose a car for a shape and characteristics that suppose to reflect us in many ways, but mostly because vehicles tend to “behave” in the same way we people do.
Take for instance this vehicle I’ve been working on (and still not finished); doesn’t it look like those situations where we are asking a loved one “What’s the matter?” and the only response we get is “Nothing”.
So we quietly think and analyze every memory we have from the past couple of days, trying to find a reason why our loved one is “functioning” in a completely different way than normal. We ask questions, but the answers don’t give any information of what the problem could be.
With the vehicle I’m working on, if the problem showed clearly, it’ll be really easy to apply a solution and the necessary corrections to make the car run smoothly again. The whole process would be quick and painless, and would avoid any unnecessary frustrations and loss of time.
With an honest answer to the question of “What’s the matter”, a change in common actions, or corrections of results about past ones, could mean the solution to the affecting problem, so the situation would be corrected, the problem solved, and friends again, without any misunderstandings and bad moments to everyone involved in the situation.
But just like some vehicles simply refuse to tell openly what the problem is, and somehow start a game of deceiving, with a loved one the same exact situation can happen, leaving us all like that car mechanic (me), who is trying to find the solution by just observation, testing and analysis of responses as the only way to get to the real reason for the change in operational mode.
I know in human situations many times the refusal to “talk” could be with the intention of not hurting feelings, but if both parts have love for the other, then the one with the problem could trust the other and be capable of openly telling what the problem is, and the other part should be able to accept a possible painful criticism that could mean the need of changing a personal behavior.
A car mechanic would want to know what the problem is in the vehicle because his intentions are to fix that problem, and is willing to accept the possibility to have to disassemble lots of components just to reach the part that is the reason of the failure; compared to the driver of the car that, normally, is not interested in fixing anything by him, but in only to have a good running car to use.
So, instead of being just drivers in our love relationship, we have to become mechanics ready to diagnose and repair any problem the relationship might incur in, no matter how much work might be involved from our part.
And like that stubborn car I’m working on, please, please, just tell what the problem is, instead of playing games that only make the mechanic think of the possibility of sending a still good working car to a junk yard!
We already have too many “good working units” roaming the lands in despair after being “discarded”, just because too often in their relationships they refused to tell what the problem was.
Posted by Raul on December 23, 2010
She had a smile and bright eyes when walking the trail by my side. We didn’t know where we would end up…we just walked the trail with a faint idea of the journey, and some vague plans for the next steps and the days ahead.
The warm breeze of December in the south hemisphere gave the hopes for the unknown, while the holding hands the reassurance for the times to come.
But winter is always ahead, and although we did know, we kept the smile while feeling the breeze in our young faces, walking the path together to the horizon always farther away on the road.
And winter did come.
Then the trail turned from the colored flowers all around to the brownish land of sadness at fall; and the sun changed to a reddish color for the winter and snow ahead. So the walking became hard with the cold wind in the face and the snow on the ground; feeling how the warm days of summer went away to be replaced by the harsh times of the season that had to be gone through.
Did we have to? And the thoughts of going back the trail to the beginning started to take home. Yet the long distance already traveled and the thoughts of going back cold, tired and sad through the same place that was walked warm and with a smile before…
The beginning of the trail and the horizon at the other end, they both seemed the same. We where standing there, trying to find a reason to keep going.
Then the little bird…the unimaginable find in the middle of nowhere; almost buried in the snow, looking at us, waiting to take it with us in our journey; to protect it and grow it as our treasure for the years to come.
So one hand holding the little bird while another found the excuse to touch the now stranger other hand once again. The excuse of the little bird; the responsibility of taking care of it; helping it grow as a given task; while walking the path to nowhere; to the setting sun.
And the little bird did grow!
Protecting it with our cold hands, together from the wind and the snow, just to find later we couldn’t let it go. The growing little bird became the element that held us together while walking the trail without aim, hoping for the warm sun to come back once again in the sky.
Stopping for a moment to look back and find the long trail walked now, and the horizon at the other end, with the promise of spring ahead and warmer days to keep going in the journey started so long ago.
And while the little bird has grown and trying its wings to fly on its own, the sun of spring announces its return and the colored flowers make the promise of a wonderful path to walk once more.
So now the thoughts of letting the once little bird fly on its own, give us the memories of the times when we started this trail so long ago. The two of us, knowing now there’ll be a bird flying somewhere; happily finding his own path and flying through the seasons of life and the fields of love.
While we, confused by the changes ahead, continue to walk this trail, looking at the horizon, knowing spring is coming with its colored flowers in the field, to be followed by the warm breeze of summer, to be back at the beginning while reaching the end of the road.