Posted by Raul on April 13, 2013
There are still some lights on at night. Electricity keeps flowing and some of the street lights remain working after all these years. It is so easy to get confused by them, even now, after so many times of renewing the hopes of somebody else out there, just to find out later that I’m the only one left.
Grey darkness prevailing most of the day, and warm, quiet nights when only the breeze can be heard. Even wildlife is gone, leaving silence as the remainder of all the missing elements that were once part of the whole, and that now has become just a memory in the mind of the only one that still roams around in search of a hope.
A private planet is what it has become; a grave world. The place where only memories live since everything else is gone. A blinding flash of light at noon and then all life is lost, vanished; leaving just the inanimate, material part of the whole. One hand to cover the face from the sudden light, the blindness for a moment, and then the mystery of being the only one left behind to search for another and all the others that are no more.
Is it real? Is it some sort of a punishment for the survivor, or the others that are now gone? Why only the material possessions remain but all life is not? Is it a lesson for the survivor to teach him the value of all the others with whom he could never get along? Or maybe a lesson for the others, who gave so much importance to the material, to the point that they themselves became discarded over what they used to value the most? How should I know!
So now, after so many hopes when searching those lights for another one left behind, and never finding life but just material elements still working on their own, the simple contentment of watching from a distance and dreaming that they must be there, continuing their party of so long.
Maybe the flash of light will come back some day, bringing back all of those that are now gone. Maybe they will reappear like by magic by means that I don’t know. Maybe this whole situation of years now is just a nightmare that by tomorrow morning will be no more. Or maybe tomorrow morning it’ll be yet another silent day in this strange grave world.
Posted by Raul on April 9, 2013
Stopping the brain from working; how can anyone do that?
Since being a child the problem has been the same. Now, as an adult, the problem persists: A brain that doesn’t stop working with thoughts. Always there is something in my mind moving, re-shaping…morphing into a new form.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying those thought have always a value; in fact, most of the times they are just runaway thoughts that mean nothing and go nowhere. But they are there; always using brain space and energy!
It just seems so incredible for me when I see someone looking at the infinite, and when asking what is in his/her mind, the answer is: “Nothing” And after some questions about the moment of looking at the infinite, the answers really note that the person has a blank mind with no thoughts at all.
After so many years and so many times asking to different people, I can see that clearly there is a time and moment when most people can enter a sort of trance state and simply stop thoughts completely, and most of the times without even trying to reach that point. Just by getting lost in an image through a window or a wall in front, most people seem to have the capability to stop the brain from working and simply allow the time go by in a completely motionless moment of mental and physical inactivity.
Now, when I say no brain activity I mean human thoughts, or at least images going through. Obviously the brain never stops working since it has so much to do with keeping up automated breathing and heart pit, and so many other bodily functions required to just stay alive. If there was absolutely no brain activity at all then the body would be dead!
It is really intriguing for me since, as I mentioned above, I’ve never been able to do that, and even though many times the thoughts are just random images that re-shape continually without direction or purpose, still they are there all the time.
The point is, there is always a thought going on, and never a moment of rest for the brain from moving. It can be a question about something that has to be done and I don’t know how; it can be about decisions that have to be made and there is the need to collect more information before such decision can be taken properly; it can be something like the curiosity of what happens in a specific situation when a specific action occurs; it can be a jumping memory of a bad moment the day before, etc.
Honestly, sometimes I feel a sort of envy of those people who can simply stop their brain from working for a while and let the time go by while being in a sort of stand by mode. It seems to be so refreshing as a moment of rest for the brain and the mind!
Do you have those moments of getting lost without thoughts while looking at a wall or a window? If so, tell me how it is and how does it feel.
Posted by Raul on April 3, 2013
A statue that moves, walk around, and some times even talk; granite face that learned long ago that some movements must be made in order to reflect and support the words just said by a slight twitch of the nose, a movement from the lips, or a frown. Gestures from the hands and arms that follow the words as if coloring them to enhance their intensity and provide a deeper meaning of what the words alone can carry.
No, no…I cannot have my hands in my pockets and talk in a single, flat tone, while keeping my face static by considering that just the meaning of the words would be enough to communicate the thought dancing in my head. The intensity of my feelings are fine inside me, and those feelings can be expressed to the outside world with words alone that together explain and draw the feeling itself, and that is fine for me, but not for them!
They need the whole orchestra playing at the same time since they don’t go by just the meaning of the words. Some times the meaning of the words is not even real but the whole play what gives the real thought or idea transmitted in what is too simplistically called a talk.
It is so difficult to understand why if we have a language with words carrying specific meanings, and rules to organize those words in a coherent phrase that will easier and clearly transmit a thought, we have to learn to use the whole orchestration of hands and arm gestures, complete body language and face configurations in order to “properly” communicate something that could be easily interpreted by the specific meaning of words, without the possibility of misinterpretation by the forced task of having to read so many elements that haven’t been really classified and taught to be used as part of the communication system among humans, and that each one learns on his/her own, creating with it the strong possibility of misinterpretations.
In that sense, it is such a marvel a written language where the reader is “forced” to go by the meaning of the words alone and only a second, subjective meaning can be added by the context of the phrase, but in the writing process can still be under control. There are a lot less possibilities of misinterpretations due to the wrong reading of faces, gestures and general body language since all those simply don’t exist. No wonder why I love to write but hate to talk!
It becomes even funny when you think of it: I cannot read the whole orchestration of sounds and movements that are part of the meaning in their communication beside the words, since I go by the meaning of the words and for me the rest is just “static noise”, so many times I get the wrong interpretation of what they said; and they have no orchestration to read from my expressionless face and voice tone, which they clearly need in order to find an interpretation to my words, other than the straight meaning carried by them. No wonder why we aspies feel so identified with the expression: “Wrong Planet”.
It is not in the intention of obtaining sympathy but simply a description of the situation. When you analyze the differences in the ways and requirements for communication between Aspies and NT’s (Neuro Typicals = normal people = You), it is clear that, even though the language might be the same, the way of communication is different, and with it creates a separation of people (them and us), and since the majority of people are NT (normal), and this society and civilization is run by them, we aspies tend to feel out of place.
Our way of communication is not yet accepted but instead we suppose to do therapy to learn how to communicate in a “normal” way, which creates a feeling of alienation in us. From people’s perspective they are right, but from our perspective they are wrong. Why should we talk? In another post I’ll explain you why small talk and most of the ways of socialization just don’t make any sense for us.
In the mean time, and until a common ground of understanding is achieved, the feeling remains: There must be another place where the norm is how we communicate! We were born in the wrong planet!
“My apologies…I just landed in the wrong planet. Now…If I knew how to leave”!
Come on Spock…take me home please! LOL
Posted by Raul on March 26, 2013
Let’s take a group of men and women from different nationalities, different languages and different religions.
Let’s put them in a remote place where there’s no civilization close by.
Let’s leave them there with no equipment, no tools, no supplies, and even no clothing.
What do we have?
They all look the same; have the same type of body with just a slight difference in skin and eyes color, and maybe some difference in eye shapes.
There are no main differences.
They will need food and shelter to survive, so they will have to hunt and either build something or find a natural shelter like a cave.
They cannot talk to each other using a language since they speak different ones and don’t know the languages the others speak, so they have to rely on gestures and imitation of natural sounds.
Let’s assume one of them sees a deer going by and realizes the possibility of getting food and some protection from the elements with the skin of the animal.
He would probably start signaling the others about the deer, so they can go hunting. They will realize the presence of the animal and see the possibilities.
Most probably they will use hand signals to direct each other to surround the deer and attack it with rocks and sticks.
If they do not succeed at first (which is the most probably outcome) they will organize better for the next opportunity.
After a while and with a better knowledge of each one’s performance in those situation, using hand signals they probably will select a leader to follow, creating a form of organization.
My point is that, without the technology and civilization we have today, we are no different from cavemen, and even more important, without our civilization, we are no different from each other. Races do not matter until we create differences by language, religion and customs.
All this is very nice to think that we are equal and should behave as brothers and sisters, but there is also the other side of the coin.
While we might be the same and no different from cavemen, what would happen if we bring, let’s say, Cro-Magnon men to this civilization?
If we teach them the language and several skills like driving, shopping, dancing, etc, so they can interact in our environment, being cavemen who are bound by the opportunity of hunting and stuffing themselves when a good piece is catch, mostly because of knowing it may be many days before the next one is available for feeding, wouldn’t they eat all they can, drive with madness sometimes with a sense of opportunism? Even vote for a candidate that promise what’s more important for them rather than the whole?
My point is; do we have a civilization? Or just lots of technology and creature comforts that, although it gives us a different kind of life that the one our ancestors had, does nothing to change us from the origins?
Just another crazy thought!
Posted by Raul on March 21, 2013
Surfing the net some time ago I don’t know how I came up to the above picture, but it brought fond memories of my childhood.
It was one like that…the typewriter machine my father used for his work and the letters that were sent to family. My first steps in the world of writing without the problems of controlling a pen to create decent shapes to the letters in a piece of paper.
A five years old child changing the outcome in the adventures of the many characters in children’s TV of the time.
Then the attraction for machines transferred to the basic maintenance and cleaning of the trusted typewriter that, with its familiar clac, clac, clac, brrrrrrr, chingggg!, provided hours of entertainment to a child spending time alone.
A sticking tape, dirty typos and twisted typos arms that got together without returning to the seating position. An easy to remove cover, some stained napkins and dirty fingers later, the trusted machine was ready to keep going for another couple of hours.
Nostalgic memories now about an outdated artifact for the actual times, and yet, fond memories that remain.
I wonder (because I don’t remember) what might have been of that beloved (for me) typewriter machine.
Do you have beautiful memories of some artifact used in your childhood? Something that doesn’t exist anymore, or doesn’t have any use nowadays, yet it was very important in your childhood, and makes you smile when you remember it?