Travellers

2014-11-27  Travellers

What difference does it make? They are travelers like any other! Just because they travel billions of miles through the darkness of vacuum doesn’t make them any different.

Taking the spirit of their surroundings to share it somewhere else with someone else…if they could be understood! Differences here and there are no differences at all if the senses are guided by the capabilities of cheerful feelings.

So they arrive; they fuse with the environment; they disappear.

Then the morphing stage is started once again, for another cycle, until the natural degradation of the process stops any further transformation, so rest returns for a moment in time, to mark the differentiation of every step in the evolutionary process.

What if travelers have been arriving all the time? Then there is no evolutionary process, but rather a morphing one, based on steps throughout time.

What if travelers are still arriving and will keep arriving in the future? Then the morphing process will continue in incremental steps in the times to come.

Maybe like the natural feeding that makes a body grow; or maybe like the external input required for any qualifying device designed to feed on and self-program accordingly.

Maybe like an evolutionary process as they wrongly call it.

Raul

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Can You Repeat That Please

2014-11-25  Can You Repeat That Please

In advertising it is clear that repetition will make us comfortable with the product, to the point that we’ll be willing to make the purchase. When it comes to our own self growth, it is mentioned that we should repeat to ourselves the image we want to achieve, so we become self-convinced of it, thus we start acting with the new, required mentality that is part of the new image, and that will generate within us the attitudes required to reach our intended goals.

Isn’t it frustrating when we think of it?

Our intelligence overridden by the process of repetition that appeals to our instincts, more than a logic thought could ever do. And even that many could claim that’s not the case with fairly intelligent people, the fact that most of us consume, acquire, behave and even talk the way we do, is mostly motivated by the perpetual guidance of repetition; be it at the hands of publicity, the word of mouth, or tradition.

Seems like intelligence is required just as a “push-start” in most cases of self-development. We think and decide, but repetition creates the custom, like an artificial instinct developed for a specific purpose. Repetition: “Practice makes perfect”.

Intelligence selects the outcome and the start of the plan, and repetition takes over for the longest part of the process, until results are achieved. If the repetition process is not followed, no results generates from just the intelligence. The stubborn overcomes the smart.

How frustrating!

Raul

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Self Division

2014-11-22  Self Division

She borrowed a body, like a coin used to play for five minutes the game of life. She ran through the thoughts of being out there in the open with anticipation and fear. She knew she wasn’t, yet she wanted to experience what is to be.

She felt her borrowed heart racing at the moment of experiencing the sun light as a physical element rather than a thought. She walked for the first time after so many years of existence only in the world of electrical impulses.

She couldn’t contain her happiness!! Her borrowed lips showed a smile while her borrowed body wanted to jump and run. Finally she was there, in the physical world, instead of the darkness of a tired brain that couldn’t contain its own thoughts.

The first step in the self division for a questioning brain that didn’t know the answers, but followed the questions to the end, had begun.

Raul

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Aspie World 14 – Depression

2014-11-20      14  Aspie World              Aspie World 14 - Depression

 

One of the problems of being an Aspie is the continuous feeling of not being able to fit in society. Most of the times we Aspies can’t get a job according to our level of training, which not only deny us of receiving an income proportional to our studies, but also creates the feeling of a dark future by not being capable of dealing with society.

It is not a strange occurrence to have desires of committing suicide to sort of “straighten up” the situation of being mostly a mistake of nature, this having the feeling of not seeing the reason to exist!

A couple of days ago I got the suicide feelings while at work, so had no option but to basically take an overdose of medicine to try to reduce those dark feelings.

I took three pills of Lyrica; two closed capsules that suppose to be slow release, and one opened so to take just the content, trying to get a quick effect in the body. The daily maximum dose of Lyrica is 450mg, but I took 900mg at once, plus the 300mg I took before, totaling 1,200mg in the body!

I also took three pills of Seredyn, also two closed capsules of slow release, and one opened to get the content also at once!!

All those pills combined would be the dose for three days, yet I took them all at once, which basically constitute and overdose; and I could feel the effects!

The pain almost completely disappeared, and the depressive state dissolved in a matter of minutes, so I felt fine with myself, the situation and the place. But also came just about an hour later the side effects of the overdose!

First it was a very strong dizziness that forced me to keep holding myself from tables and machines. Then came an accelerated heart rate and some difficulty to breath. It was a little more complicated to keep working in these conditions, but at the other hand, I could kept working! And the depressive state was gone!

Definitely is not the ideal situation, but I could keep working for another day without having that depressive state!

Obviously, I don’t do Overdose mode very often, but some times I have no choice but to do it!

Raul

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Aspie World 13 – Fortress

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

My fortress is falling apart!!

Being an Aspie, the times when being completely alone are very important. While at work there is so much noise and so many people talking at once (about 100 people), that it has become a custom to start the day with Sensory Overload, and remain the whole day that way!

Only at break times I can escape the noise and the crowd and “hide” in my Van…my fortress!!

For the past three years (the time I have at this job) my Van has been the place where I can rest and recover from the “normal” life and get immersed back in my Aspie life of solitude and silence. My vehicle has been gaining more and more elements throughout this time, to the point of becoming today my house where I have all the conveniences and elements I may need at any time. It has room for my cooler; my computer; a box with the medicines I use; room for the small stuff like glasses; gloves; jacket; etc, and even a trash can to keep everything neat and organized.

My Van has become my Fortress, and now my Fortress is starting to fall apart!!

First were all the typical problems of an old vehicle: Some strange noises here and there; the rust showing up in the body in several places, and the reduced performance of the engine due to aging, plus the typical leaks that accompany all of the above.

But now it seems the computer is starting to die, so the instrument cluster is gone and dark forever, forcing me to drive without speedometer, tachometer, fuel gauge, temperature gauge, and warning lights.

The air control of the heater is working erratically, and the trip computer works some times while remaining dark the rest of the time.

Seems like the time to get a newer vehicle has arrived, and with it the long process of considering so many elements in the decision taking of which kind of car, how old, etc.

But for now I still have to use my old Van until I can get something that will replace my Fortress, and with it, my personal space where I can return to be the Aspie I am, and rest from my forced participation in the world of “Normals”.

Raul

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