Direction

2016-10-31-direction

 

So it seems we need to have direction in order to act in life. That in itself seems very logic. What surprises me is that it also seems the direction can be any, as long as there is one.

We may be doing the wrong thing, but if we have a direction to follow, then we can keep moving, even if it is to fall at the end.

It doesn’t seems so important to go in the right direction we follow has to just have one. Then, any actions that don’t contribute to the direction already acquired will be postponed in favor of the actions that are part of the chosen direction.

Our mind can acquire a direction for different reasons, and the direction can be acquired by the wrong reasons; it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that our mind does acquire a direction, and once a direction is acquired, our actions follow that direction, even if it goes against logic, or to our own destruction.

Crazy, isn’t it? Where is logic when we are acquiring directions? LOL

Raul

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Fall

red autumn in the park

 

Summer is running away; Winter is coming, and its representative, Fall, has started conversations already.

Such a beautiful yet sad season is Fall. I love walking over the accumulated leaves at the park, wearing some warm clothes and taking in the cold air all around. Beauty in the colors, yet the feeling inside of a sadness for some memory that I forgot long time ago.

Fall; the season that reflects the descent of light, heat and life. Sadness in the air. A feeling of loosing something, like a lover going away. Or maybe life itself finding the end of the road. I can understand it is called Fall.

Trees become sad and naked to the cold, while a yellow grass shows the end of life. They will come back, they are not gone, but they all together seem to know something we are not being told; there is an end to things. Happiness, love and life itself are not forever, while we also can have the other side of those feelings, as sadness, loneliness and death.

Time to remember; time to understand the little details we were too busy living to consider by then; while walking over the dead leaves in a cold afternoon at the park. Fall, such a beautiful season, yet it also brings us the time to reflect on ourselves; who we are, what we are, where have we been, where are we going, have we been happy, did we hurt someone’s feelings, what do we really feel inside, what do we want; before the hardship of cold and snow of Winter will settle for a while.

Raul

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Runaway King

2016-10-10-runaway-king-1

 

The King spent a lot of time, money and effort building the place he has with her, so it is part of them now.
The place is fine with them and they feel comfortable in it.
If she went away and he remained alone at their place things would be fine.
But rather than feeling they built their castle, it feels more like they are trapped in an unsatisfactory married life!
He longs for freedom and adventure, rather than settling and remaining till the end.
He wants to leave but he knows he would fault to the untold promise of remaining when they were building together.
And he would be the king running away from his own castle!
Searching for new crusades to fight, rather than dealing with keeping thing working as they are.
He wants to leave, but part of his life is there anyway.
And he is not ready yet to accept the guilt and the accusations for being the one who walks away.
What if is her the one to leave?
He could play victim and cry being abandoned, while enjoying his new life free!
But it is him the one who wants to leave.
Is he ready to take the guilt and the accusations?
He is not!
Deep inside he knows he silently promised to remain by her side till the end.
She doesn’t want to depart. She wants things to remain as they are…forever.
It is he the one who changed mind and now wants to leave.
He thought it’ll be different, better; but it’s killing him with boredom.
He is an adventurer; he needs to go.
“I’m sorry my princess, but the roads filled with dangers are calling me”

It all comes down to how deeply he accepts his pride to be smashed.
He can say it’s her fault. He can say it’s her responsibility. He can pretend whatever he wants.
But he knows it is him who is bored to death in this settler’s life.
It could remain the same and it’ll be fine, except he would die of boredom, sadness and doubts.
He needs to go! But he knows it’ll be his fault.
And he is not ready to take the guilt!
That’s why he still don’t go!

 

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Flare Ups

2016-10-06-flare-ups-1

 

How is it called when you loose sense of reality and start living between two worlds? One foot is in the world of moving images that don’t necessarily pertain to a specific reality, and the other is in a specific reality that keeps moving. Isn’t that what craziness is all about? Or should we call it a craziness Flare up? It’s always been like that for me, only these days it has become more intense.

This confusion keeps pulling me down, making me slow, first in the brain, then in the body. No capability of concentration; I can’t plan and can’t act; immobilized! Watching the world keep moving in it’s unsettling vibration that doesn’t allow the mind to fix itself in anything there. Yet it keeps moving, turning, so minute by minute getting behind a little more. Becoming lost in the past of images that are not what the body is in at the present.

Tiredness! No energy. Cold by nature now. Where am I?

The brain is the computer and the mind is the software. Is it the software corrupted? (maybe a virus?) Or the hardware too slow? (maybe an overheated processor?). I know life is playing with an old computer in this case, and I know the software have some kind of problem, so I guess it is both. Life needs to update some computers!

The images in my mind keep dancing in front of my eyes, feeding themselves to monstrous proportions in a perfect circle. Runaway mind. Abandoned body to rust. Overheated computer operating in a corrupted software. Waiting for some sort of explosion to signify a definitive shut down. A signal; something; even if it’s the last one. Waiting for a rope while hardly keeping afloat in the water.

And the only constant of life -Time- keeps running away, not waiting for anybody for anything. So no constant to grab on for safety and stabilization. Floating adrift. Like slowly floating up to the sky, going away from the safety of ground, not knowing how far this thing can go or for how long.

I know I’m crazy, but do craziness flare ups exist? I’m not talking of loosing control over the same craziness, but an extended, temporary higher level of craziness?

Raul

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Running Downhill (Re-Post)

2016-10-03-running-downhill-re-post

 

Running Downhill                         (2011-03-13 in Thoughts)

It is sad to see how more and more houses become empty, with a sign “For Sale”, waiting to be occupied again.

We could compare the economy of a society with walking. When times are complicated and the economy is bad for the majority, it’ll be like walking uphill -lots of efforts to cover very little ground.

But for the past several decades in the US the economy was at continuous growth, becoming a slight but increasing downhill walk for the people.

Only a slight amount of energy is required to get in motion when walking in a flat, level surface. Once in motion, the amount of energy required is even smaller

By the simplification and increased efficiency in many areas of work by the companies leading the economy, more and more was imposed the “learn at the job” structure and mentality. It worked well for several decades, but the price tag is a society that doesn’t consider or even hold, the need for a strict and pushing educational system.

A downhill walk requires us to reduce the amount of energy applied in order to remain in motion. Less energy to acquire the same original intended result

By consuming, thus generating movement in the market, the economic growth became independent of the production needs. A system that feed itself in its own circular motion, based in buying and discarding to buy more. The temptation of reaching dreams by credit became the flag and promotional tactics of corporations in search for bigger profits.

Walking in a downhill, taking more and more ground at a faster speed becomes a temptation due to the very small amount of energy required

Having the possibility of acquiring more and expensive items no longer was a privilege of the wealthy. Every one with a decent credit could “afford” by credit the possession of luxury items that would reinforce his/her image and self esteem.

At first, gaining speed and covering more ground faster becomes intoxicating and motivating for having more

By the time momentum has been gained, the elements of luxury became a standard need, rather than the luxury they suppose to be. The need for reaching then the next step became the norm in a cycle repeating itself time and time again.

But the economic system, relying in the continuous movement of a circular process of consuming, like a wheel spinning faster and faster until it reaches speeds that set it out of control, started to fall apart, disintegrating the basis of the economic system.

Running downhill then becomes scary and the realization for the need of slowing down to a safer speed takes in

The level of expenses incurred in became too much for the capabilities of the transforming economic system, so people had to adjust to new standards already forgotten, or simply considered “sub-standard”.

The amount of credit taken, based in an economic system that didn’t suppose to change, created a burden on people living at a dreamed social level. But credit incurred in (mortgage, car payments, etc) couldn’t be discarded so easily.

Running downhill we realize we are going too fast for safety, but it’s too late to regain control, and only the attempt of just not falling while running scared by the situation is the only option

The once high life by credit became a continuous struggle for survival. Deterioration of the luxury elements by not being able to renew as often as the economic system suggested, became the first signs of the end of the party, the awakening from the dream.

From then on, for many it has become just a continuous fight to remain “alive” financially, not knowing when the personal situation will finally collapse, and throw them into the unknown.

Running downhill at an uncontrollable speed, waiting for the moment were we know we will fall and get badly hurt, but also know it’ll be the only way to stop this runaway situation. We just don’t want to face the moment, so we keep trying harder to keep up, until we succumb by exhaustion and total lack of control

Raul

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