2015-09-03  Prejudgement

Maybe I am too much of an Aspie, or maybe I’ve seen too much of the same thing throughout my life, but it always surprises me how people see what’s in their mind first, rather than what is in front of their eyes. Sometimes it even feels like there is a generalized fear to analysis, or the lengthy process of analysis, so people tend to conclude quickly in any subject, as if trying to obtain a quick response that can be used as a fact, with complete disregard of the accuracy of the obtained answer.


I can understand some times it is necessary to do a quick classification on a subject as a way to go over the barrier and move forward; otherwise there would be no movement. Many times in life we need to leave aside accuracy as long as we can set down a situation as classified and understood, so we can move forward to the main objective, and simply adjust our concepts and actions according to whatever changes we might perceive later in the process. This can be a necessary course of action in many instances where the situation in front is not the main objective, but just a simple barrier in the whole process.

In situations like these, if we stop too long to analyze all the possibilities in order to obtain the most accurate possible answer, we might end up loosing time in what is not really important, and so become stale in the process of moving forward. I have to admit that many times I am guilty of making this mistake, and so getting stuck in a point that supposed to simply be a drive-by point.

But there are many instances and situations in life where the accuracy of the answers play an important part in the proper decision making process. Since the right decision depends on the right information, arriving to quick and inaccurate answers to the many connecting points will invariably lead us to the wrong destination. And so we see this everyday in love relationships; career choice; big purchases, and even in elections.

A quick answer allows for quick movement, that when done continually allows for momentum; but it doesn’t necessarily lead to the right results, and when looking around it is so easy to see so many people in the wrong (or going bad) relationships; working the wrong jobs or having to deal with unwanted situations that could have been easily avoided, if a longer and more dedicated moment of analysis had been considered.

Yet we can see all around the pre-established concept of prejudgement as a norm, where it seems the way things work is by taking quick decisions and later correcting and correcting, as a never ending trend.

As an Aspie, I can only wonder why! Wouldn’t it be a lot more efficient if we take a little more time in analyze situations, so we can have more accurate answers, and with this avoid so many “I am sorry” and so many “Oh crap!!”

Just a thought



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Summer Ending

2015-08-27  Summer Ending

Summer ending notification. Nature has shown the first cold nights after several months of warm and festive, vacation like temperatures, throughout the noisy city nights.

Pre-test of the winter blues coming our way after the leisure times enjoyed during the summer? Like the sad departure of a friend, or the mind denial to accept winter as a link in the chain of time. The refusal to accept what has always been there, just after the summer blink of an eye.

The sweetness of a cookie to prevent the bitterness of the coming involuntary feelings, at the cost of the shame of knowing why the bathroom scale has become a sworn enemy, trying to destroy a morning smile!

Although green all around, a devilish thermometer shows the outside temperature drop in the afternoon, with an Aspie-like cold serenity (yeah! I am a cynic too!!). So night turns from fresh to cold, and the spirit too drops to its knees.

Winter blues. I wish it was just an album of sad songs in my music library!

Then the mind plays Russian Roulette with the images of snow over the trees and the driving streets, as if not knowing it is only killing itself just a little more ahead of time.

Do we play this winter making a big polar bear out of snow? Or maybe a penguin with a happy face, as if telling everyone around “Hey! This is not that bad after all!” Or maybe add to the mind games the images of a warm fireplace and a cup of hot coffee!

Winter as another link in the time chain. The summer ending notification has been received. Thank you very much!!



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Aspie World 34 – Aspie Rebellion 2

2015-08-13  Aspie World 34 - Aspie Rebellion 2

Since childhood I’ve been guided, suggested and pushed to live the kind of life a Human lives. It was the perpetuation of the norm. It was what has always been, and so what suppose to be. Everybody lives this way, so there is no questioning of living in any other way.

When the child shows signs of being from a different specie, it is not question what kind of life this child suppose to live, but instead it is about “fixing” the child from his defective ways as a Human, and then send him to live the Human life.

So the child, who doesn’t bring his own knowledge, acquire the knowledge given to him by adults, and so start to believe that he should live the Human life, and whatever obstacle he finds between his own personality and capabilities and the Human life ways, it must be that he is mistaking and in need of fixing himself.

This child then lives an entire Human life as a never integrated element of Human society. He lives the Human life as a second class citizen in their society because he cannot respond to the usual needs and ways, and so no matter what knowledge he might have acquired in his life, he still has to live only half way in, dreaming of being part of society as he was taught he suppose to be, yet with the resignation that he will never be.

Only in his private life he can create his alien world where he can feel really at home, pretending that everything is normal and in the way it supposes to be, outside the walls of his private world.

I have become tired of trying to live the Human life! Like waves on the shore, persisting in reaching the sand as far as they can go, my Aspie elements keep coming up continually, beating my taught intentions of being a Human that supposes to live the Human life, destroying my truly nonexistent possibilities of some day becoming like a true Human being.

So finally, I declare my Rebellion and my need to live my own kind of alien life!

I have decided to start the transition from living as a second class citizen of the Human society, to live the life of an Aspie! Transition from what I’ve been taught, to what I suppose to really know.

There are two species on Earth of what I know; Humans and Aspies. There could be more! But one thing I am now sure about, and that is that Aspies cannot live the Human life because they are not design and build for that task; so in their attempts they will always be second class citizens, living just half way in and half way kicked out.

So I start my Rebellion and proclaim the true existence of another specie on Earth! I am an Aspie and I don’t need fixing to be a Human because I am of a different specie! So my Rebellion to live the Aspie life instead of the Human life is ON!

What elements should be changed and what kind of construction should be performed, I don’t have a clear idea yet. After living the way I was taught and told for an entire life, I just begun questioning about how an Aspie life supposes to be. All I know is (by experience) that by trying and persisting in trying to accomplish a Human life, I will always be a second class citizen in their society, living only half way in.

So I have to live the Aspie way in Human society, forgetting about becoming one of them, because I am not one of them. I am not of the Human specie…I am an Aspie!



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Aspie World 33 – Aspie Rebellion!!

2015-08-06  Aspie World 33 - Aspie Rebellion!!

When I started the new shift at work on January this year (Ready to Blow!!), I made it a commitment to try hard and be part of the team of people with which I was going to work. Based on overdose of medicines, I changed by force my personal mood, so to become human, rather than being an Aspie.

It worked fine at the beginning to get myself introduced to the people there, have a quick chat and exchange smiles; it sort of gained me a place among the group; but it was all fake! In order to get that behavior from my part, I had to live in overdose of medicines, so it wasn’t really my own personality. I truly was happy to meet these new people, but my brain is not design for that work (meeting people), so the nice guy who introduced himself, chatted for a while and even made some jokes wasn’t me, but simply a variation of me, obtained with the use of medicine overdose.

That all has a cost! My body gained the consequences of continuous overdose in the form of adding weight, and my mind became simply tired of being something else, so stress became the norm from then on.

After just a couple of months on the new shift, and I became tired of “pretending” and living in chemicals. So I simply decided that enough is enough, and even to the risk of loosing my job, I stopped forcing myself to be human, and turned into being just myself; an Aspie working among humans.

What a mess!!

About half of the team doesn’t talk to me and say “hi” anymore! For an Aspie that is fine since talking and saying “hi” is really not important, but I know for a human it is! They are not happy! For a human it is like an insult not to be said “hi” and “bye”, or at least they take it really personal and feel offended! So I believe I am at the top in the list of “unpopular people”!

Again, that is fine with me, but in order to have a smooth working day (when you have to work with a team of 50 people), I had to go back to overdose; this time to be able to stand the cold looks and cold treatment from other toward me, without stressing myself too much for this situation.

So my Aspie Rebellion came to my mind “liberation”, but with a heavy cost in having to deal now with even more stress than before, which forces me to live in overdose about 10 times the regular dose.

But I will not give up!

After a lifetime being an Aspie and trying to play human for humans to be happy, I will continue to search for my own mind stability, even if humans around me feel discomfort with my presence and behavior. And to provide them with the information of why I am the way I am, so they can understand and feel better themselves, I will make those Aspie T shirts to wear from time to time, as a form of communication and explanation from my part to them, and in a way they can “absorb” easier. If after that they still feel mad due to not knowing or not understanding, my mind still will be at ease by knowing I did try, and if the result wasn’t good, it was mostly their fault and not mine.

Why do I say it is their fault? Because if after reading in my T shirt that I am an Aspie they don’t understand or know what is that, they could simply Google it, or even ask me directly, face to face (something humans don’t usually do).

I hope then, with the use of the Aspie T shirts, my mind will become at ease and my stress levels will drop (at least some), so I can stop using overdose just to go by another day at work!



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Two Different Animals

2015-07-23  Two Different Animals

Yesterday, while cleaning up the red van as the last thing before becoming my new fortress, I realized why two such different types of vehicles are making so complicated the decision of which one will be the one that stays.

The Vanagon is a simple, slow machine. It is easy on fuel and easy to maintain and repair. It gives you a great visibility all around and a very square interior, so easy to use in so many ways. And its big clearance from the ground allows driving it off road easily, making possible to reach many beautiful hidden places in the countryside. In exchange, it is slow acceleration and top speed, and it is affected by cross winds, making difficult highway driving some times.

The MiniVan is a sort of cybernetic machine! It is quiet, powerful, fast, with all the controls ergonomically positioned all around the driver. It feels more like driving a small spaceship rather than an Earthly vehicle. It is fun to drive fast (I have a speeding ticket to prove it!). Its acceleration is superb, and it cuts through cross winds so easily. But at the other hand it is terrible in off road; doesn’t have as much cargo capabilities, and the rounded interior makes it difficult to create different uses. It is heavy on fuel, and maintenance and repairs make your hands and wallet cry!

I love the driving capabilities of the MiniVan, and I love the versatility of the Vanagon, but I don’t want the complexity and costs of the MiniVan, especially in the future, and I would miss the sporty driving of it if I consider the Vanagon. I guess the decision is not so difficult after all. Considering costs and complexity as elements I want to avoid in the future, and the desire of visiting hidden places in the mountains while having a versatile vehicle that can cover all my needs, it seems the Vanagon will be the one to restore and keep; and as a bonus, it’ll stop me from getting more speeding tickets! LOL



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