It was so strange the whole situation and my own feelings about it. I started that job three years ago when they opened the weekend shift. It was a new shift running Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 4 pm to 4 am. Twelve hours shift three days in a row to complete 36 hours. It was a full time and they paid a differential over the hourly rate to complete the equivalent of 40 hours, so basically it was a full time job done in three days a week, leaving four days off. I loved it!! I dedicated three days to just work for the money, and had four days to do the things I really want to do.
For me it was like leaving my life in stand by for those three days, but then I had four days to live intensely doing what I love, together with my obligations as a family man.
For an Aspie like me, having the permanent problem of socialization, working just three days and having four free days was a perfect combination of filling my duties as a citizen renting a space in society with living my isolation my own way. I just had to leave my life in stand by for only three days, but in exchange I got four days for my Aspie life!! Perfect!!
But all the good things have to come to an end. The company decided they prefer to move all the shifts to a five days, 8 hours shifts and simply cancel all the weekend shifts!! Now I will be working Monday to Friday from 6 am to 2:30 pm. 8 hours a day, five days a week, and have off Saturday and Sunday.
I hate it!!
But I am an Aspie; I will try to turn a defeat into a victory! I’ve already been planning how can I use the days after work, so instead of dividing my stand by time and free time into days, I will divided into hours. Mornings stand by, afternoons free. I don’t know if it’ll work, but I’ll try.
The thing is, I started this job when the weekend shift started, and today was the last day of this weekend shift, so when we finished working for the day, we finished a complete three years stage.
The stress this job gave me was what gave me Fibromyalgia, so thanks to this job I’m screwed for life, and even though I thought of suicide at some point, today I left the facilities crying!!
In some way, I witnessed the start and the end of a complete cycle; I participated in it; I suffered stress to the point of acquiring Fibromyalgia. But also I met lots of people and some of them I came to care about and appreciate.
When the shift ended I gave some hugs and some strong hand shakes; I wished them the best and received best wishes too. I was holding my tears and finally had to quickly leave, so to find myself alone in the parking lot, free to cry!!
This is the first time in my Aspie life that I cry after finishing a job!! I was honestly sad for loosing the weekend shift, but most important, for loosing the people I met, got to know and appreciate. I will miss them!!
You see, what a normal person get to accomplish in one day when starting a new job, meaning by that getting to know the others, their names and faces, and placing themselves in a group, for me it takes about a year!! What they do in one day for me it takes me a year!! After three years there I was in a position like for a normal person takes three days. After three years I still didn’t know the names of some of them, and still haven’t talked to everyone!! So you can see how important is for an Aspie every single relationship developed!!
Normal people get friends, fight, befriend another, etc, all in a matter of weeks, so how important is each individual they get to know doesn’t have the same level of importance it has for an Aspie. With the proportion of one day for a normal person equals one year for an Aspie, an Aspie get to know in his/her entire life a similar amount of people a normal person can get to know in two months!! So each single person an Aspie get to know becomes really important! I was there three years and met some people and got to appreciate a few of them…now they are gone!!
For normal people, they hug, cry and give best wishes, but just a week after starting the new shift they will have new friends and will be getting together after work and being best friends, until they fight and find new friends and so on. For me it’ll take me like seven years to reach the point they reach in one week!!
So I was sad for the loss!!
Someone might think if I did get their phone numbers to keep contact… no I didn’t; why? Because what they mean for me is not the same what I mean for them. They are normal people; they move on. It’s easy for them to do that; I can’t. They move on; I loose. I don’t have the socialization software in my brain like they do.
It was a sad day for me. One year for one day. Start all over again from zero. I cried, and now I write to get it out of my chest. Tomorrow will be a new day and a new beginning.
That’s the way it is for an Aspie throughout life…in case you were wondering…