A Little Baby

2016-04-07  A Little Baby (1)

 

I found this picture in the internet, I don’t remember where; but when I saw it, immediately a smile came to my face; this picture reminded me of my son.

Being unemployed and not having a place to live wasn’t exactly the best situation to receive a newborn. By then we where back in our country and things were complicated; but with a forced happiness we received the news; and with a couple of coins in a pocket as the only money we had, we bought a cheap ice cream, divided it in two and with a mix of sadness, worries and happiness we celebrated having that cheap ice cream, seating in a concrete bench at the city plaza. We didn’t know what would happen when receiving a new born in that situation, especially because we had agreed that we would be a marriage without children, so the news were changing our original plans, and in a moment that wasn’t our best when it comes to take care of a baby.

Yet we received our son and things went fine. Well, things went really more than fine!

A little baby that quickly learned to smile, and then to laugh. And while being unemployed was a problem because of the lack of money, at the other hand gave me the opportunity to enjoy being with my son most of the time, and we had a great time together!

Then coming to the US to get an opportunity at life, and having the chance to live more comfortable and with enough income to go by fine, the time we spent together became the best moments of my life. You see, I’ve heard from many people making complains about how hard is to raise their children, yet for us it wasn’t hard, by the opposite, it was such a wonderful thing to spend time together. For more than ten years I delivered papers at night and worked on cars on my own at the house, so I could be with my son most of the time. We competed in who could read a book faster; we watched movies together; we talked all the time; we became good friends!

And while most people complain year after year their children are at the worst age (I heard that from my parents all the times, LOL), for us our son was always at the best age. We enjoyed the time when he was a baby, when he was a toddler, when he was a small child, a big child, a teenager, and these days we enjoy the times with him when he is already an adult. Always he has been at the best age!

So while these days with my son we can talk about politics, history, car racing, human psychology and many other things; and we can have a good laugh joking all the times, this picture reminds me of the moments when my son was a baby, and so it brings so many memories of all the times together, and all the joys we had throughout his life so far.

But also this picture reminds me that, no matter how old my son can be, he will always be my baby. He will always be my child, and I will always want to hug him and feel I try to protect him, while he watch life around with curiosity, desiring to learn more about what’s out there, and wanting to be part of the world he can see all around.

I guess no matter the pass of time and how old we can become, the relationship between father and son will always be there; and the love and care that generates between both will always exist. For me it was, it is, and it will always be a wonderful thing to have my son!

Raul

.

Posted in Memories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

One Hundred for One

2016-04-04  One Hundred For One (1)                                               Picture of the movie Serenity

 

Sometimes when too stressed out I like to go for a quiet walk in nature. It is very relaxing to feel the quietness of the place and listen to birds and little creatures running around under the bushes. But some other times I like to watch a movie that has no relation with reality, so it becomes more of an escape route. Some of those movies are bad Sci Fi, which in reality are Fantasy, and Action Movies, which also are Fantasy. And usually they come combined, so you can watch a Sci Fi Action movie that has no possibility of truly be associated with real life.

That’s fine, and even entertaining. Those are movies just to escape reality for a moment and let the brain rest from all the problems by simply forgetting about them. You get in connection with the main characters and want them to survive their ordeal, to find them at the end in one piece and smiling. That’s all fine and entertaining.

What I find a little worrying about those movies is that most of them follow the concept of “One hundred for One”. The main characters are chased down by many people that want to kill them, so they have to run away and kill one after another in order to survive. In those movies we get to like the main characters and want them to survive because we can identify with them, while those chasing to kill mostly we don’t know them, so it becomes almost natural to see them die!

And they die by the hundreds!

So we get used to those movies and is not of concern to see many people die, just so the ones we like survive! Then I tend to question; what effect can it make in young people to see that in almost every action movie? Do they get used to see the “bad guys” die, so they don’t care? What about the concept of self sacrifice in the idea of “One for One Hundred”? The concept of self sacrifice to benefit the majority!

At one hand people get used to celebrate those who died in the benefit of the majority, like the concept of Good Friday and Jesus Christ, yet the meaning get lost by the custom of celebrate, more than the action of remembering and feeling the reason why such celebration exist. And then at the other hand there are the movies that show it is OK to kill many just to save one. And those movies usually are the Summer Blockbusters!

By the movie rating system kids are not allowed to see nudity, yet they can see violence and killing for self benefit! It reminds me of the laws that prohibit young men to drink alcohol, yet they are allowed to go to war. Its not OK to drink alcohol, but it is fine to die in a war.

So my question is: Can this affect, or guide in the wrong direction the young population of a society? Basically teaching them it’s OK to kill for self preservation, even if it comes to kill many in favor of one? And while we can understand the motives of the One to survive, especially when family relationships are involved, what about the family relationships of the chasers who get killed? Just because we don’t know their personal situation it becomes OK to kill them? How does it affect in the forming concepts of the young people when it comes to understand and accept those who are different from us? When the general idea suppose to be of integration rather than segregation? What about when in real life it is about to understand and accept those who dress in a different way, speak a different language and hold different customs? Wouldn’t this concept of One Hundred For One slowly and continuously create subdivision and discrimination? And even worst, create the concept that is OK to kill the others so we survive? And on top of that, create the concept that those who seem to be different have to be the chasers that want to kill us all, so we have to be ready to kill them first?

Just a thought

Raul

.

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Control Room

2016-03-31  Control Room (1)
Why are you so mean?” She asked from behind the memory banks. The conversation was never intended in the first place, so it was a bit strange to be talking while thoughts where all around flying free. The room was dark as it has always been, yet the flashing lights of flying thoughts provided more than enough illumination, allowing to see each others feelings. It’s all electric pulses we knew.

Not that is so important, after all we’ve been together since the beginning of the physical cycle, so we know each other very well. We just didn’t know it!

Her thoughts were there for me to see, while mine were hers. We talked for a moment, maybe more out the boring moment of doubt we always have when considering the reasons for a decision on who should keep the carrier through the end of the cycle.

We talked, while it wasn’t really needed since we used the same computer to create our personal calculations. We dreamed of what it could be if…
Yet we knew compromise should be the last word to keep.
Standing at the two ends of a circular room, where there are no ends to take place at, yet we were there, facing each other with our thoughts and feelings, pretending this was just another day and nothing would get recorder.

Get recorded? Everything gets recorded! Hers, mine, ours; every bit each one can bring to the memory banks; not to be of any use, we knew, but just because that’s the way things are. As if we could change anything by the weak power of a doubtful decision. All by the means of just collecting our personal memories and claiming to have the truth in our hands. Like pretending so to win, rather than logic supported by facts.

We knew we were wrong; both of us. Yet we new that could only mean we also have to be right, or there would be no purpose for the bringing of the room and the organic body it controlled.

I need to sleep! After more than two years sleeping an average of three hours a day I feel tired. The controlling of the vessel has became more difficult everyday, and the ghosts of duplication remain inside the control room, making me doubt of my own sanity.

What if the duplication is real? And why not! I’ve spent time talking with the duplication, especially because we are opposed, which means we still have a sick tendency to feel attracted to each other. So there is no such thing as duplication, but instead the veracity of the twin’s existence! And the control room supposed to be for only one, so very complicated situation when there are two wanting and needing one of the sides.

Then the sleepiness again! Feeling the eyes tired and the head slowly starting to tilt forward, maybe as a victim of the ocean sea all around. An ocean sea of doubts, confusions and unanswered questions; all to contribute their part in the destruction of harmony, softness and sanity, in a sick, permanent attempt to retain the stress of the whole situation. Me, a possible duplicate, and the control room. I wonder if they knew when childhood was all I could see around.

Make room for two instead of one; we are here anyway, so we better get comfortable; this incongruence will last until the end of the physical cycle; so we have to become friends!

Raul

.

Posted in Unconscious | Tagged , , , , , , | Comments Off

A Dog’s Life

2016-03-28  A Dog's Life (1)

Obviously everybody have a different perception of things; but it seems somehow funny to me when talking with people who love dogs and I hear how their concepts about them change depending on what are we talking about.

Personally, I am not a dog lover and doubt I will ever have one in the future. Nothing really against them but hey, I’m a cat! I am an Aspie, remember? And we Aspies are like cats. And just like a cat can be friends with a dog, it would be very rare to see a cat going out searching for dogs to befriend.

And just like you can never completely trust a human, no matter how cultivated and refined he might be, in that he never will have moments of returning to the most basic instincts from the human animal, the same way I don’t completely trust dogs. It is in their nature to be friendly and playful, but also it’s in their nature to be hunters and territorial creatures. In fact, that was the very first reasons why dogs became domesticated, to help in hunting and to protect the owners.

Nowadays, and especially in the US, dogs are more of companion to humans than protectors of their owner’s property, although they are still kept for the last in many houses around the country.

Now what is funny to me is that, when talking with a dog owner and especially with someone who loves dogs is that, if we are talking about the levels a dog can feel compared to humans, usually they would insist dogs have a capability of feelings very close to humans, if not the same. I do agree dogs have a very high level of feelings of love, friendship and loyalty, but I would disagree that those levels are at the same levels of humans, except maybe for loyalty, where it seems to me dogs are naturals at loyalty, which is something not to say the same about humans.

But then, if someone loves dogs and understand dogs have a very high level of feelings, why send them to concentration camps where they will be slowly turning crazy, and feed them small amounts of hope just to keep their sanity a little longer, perhaps making them suffer even more with that?! If you don’t know what I am talking about, just consider this:

Many people get a dog for companionship and sometimes to help protect the house. They bring it to their home and allow it to roam around the house and the back yard with complete freedom, except for going out to the streets, which is only allowed when with the owner. Dogs can be happy at first and for a while, and it is common to see them running in the backyard, exploring every corner with their infinite curiosity. But after a couple of months, maybe even just weeks, the yard becomes a know place for the dog, with no secrets left to uncover anymore. So the dog enters a life of boredom and stress of not feeding it’s animal instincts.

By being instinctively territorial creatures, dogs can quickly adopt their owner’s house and feel it as their own territory, so they can become very jealous at protecting them. But by being also instinctively hunters, dogs need the exploration of new places and search of possible prey; dogs are design for that. And so by spending years living in the same environment everyday, every time the same place become smaller and smaller, so dogs switch to live for those precious moments when the owner arrives at the house and the possibility of being taken out to open spaces where they can once again run free and explore everything around. But mostly, since it is the big majority of time in their lives, dogs start living for what is outside the fences of the house; anyone walking by; another dog; a car; anything or anyone they can see at the other side of the fence would provide the dog with something new, something different, and with it, a small light to the boring and stressing life they have.

2016-03-28  A Dog's Life (2)

I know; I am not a dog psychologist or dog owner, so I understand many people will disagree with me; but just by simple observation of dog behavior, it is easy to see that dogs who spend most of their time in a backyard, after several years of the same, they tend to either spend their time laying somewhere and yawning, or running straight in almost attack mode in the direction a new element can be seen at the other side of the fence. Those are the dogs that almost never stop barking.

Now, if you were placed in a concentration camp where you have the room to sleep and the yard to walk, and you spend 20 years there (remember one year in a dog’s life is several years in a human’s life), you will reach the point of extreme boredom, and most probably would spend your time either laying somewhere, completely resigned to your fate, or having short bits of light in your heart when you see something different happening outside the fence. You may feel at that moment there is a hope to get out of the concentration camp, or maybe enraged by seeing and being reminded that freedom exists outside, and that you don’t have it.

Obviously, in the case of humans, by having a bigger range of possible emotions, the feelings you may experience at those moments is more varied of what a dog can have; and by having a developed language at your disposal, something dogs don’t have, you could better explain what is what you feel and want, while a dog is limited to just bark all the times. Those who know dogs very well can tell the differences in emotions a dog is having by listening in the slight variations in the dog’s barking; but still it is a very limited way of communication.

So you see, there is not much difference between a dog who spend most of the time in a back yard and a human left in a concentration camp. If the one who placed you in that concentration camp is a good person with good intentions and believes he has love and friendship to give you, you could feel somehow happy to see that person coming back every day as it will mean you can have at least some entertainment for a moment; your day (and your new life) will brighten for a couple of hours! But since that person still keeps you locked in that concentration camp, if you see a slight opening; a tiny chance to get out, you might go for it and run for freedom! The difference in brain capabilities a human and a dog have will then lead them to different paths; you will never return, even if the one who kept you captive was very friendly to you; while the dog would get exhausted by having its instincts satisfied after running and exploring for a couple of hours, to then feel tired and happy to return to the one who is friendly to it; and to the place that, even though it can be like a concentration camp, still would be also the dog’s home.

One of the reasons I wouldn’t have a dog is that I am a cat, as I explained before. But another reason is that I really don’t see what good can be given to a creature that was created to be free, in having it locked most of the times. Unless the dog will have more of a farmer’s dog life, where it can go anywhere anytime, and even have participation in some of the chores around, to then jump in the passenger seat of the pick up truck to go somewhere with the owner, which will give the dog a life of freedom, I really don’t see what good can be given to a dog by having it locked in a house and back yard, like it would be to a human in a concentration camp. Have you noticed farm dogs bark a whole lot less than city dogs? And farm dogs don’t tend to run in almost attack mode at the first sight of a stranger, like city dogs do when seeing someone walking at the other side of the fence!

2016-03-28  A Dog's Life (3)

Seems to me most city people tend to own a dog mostly to satisfy their own need of friendship and companionship, with complete disregard of the psychological needs of the dog. They provide food and veterinary works, and they do play with the dog from time to time too, but it is mostly around the owner’s schedule rather than around the dog’s needs. So the dog becomes more like a TV set, which is cared for when needed, and the rest of the time forgotten.

It surprised me when I hear some people claim they love dogs and have one or more, yet when analyzing the behavior of the owner in relation to the living environment and life the dogs have, you can clearly see dogs are being used in a selfish way by the owners to satisfy their needs of receiving friendship, companionship and loyalty, but the dogs are given very little of the same in return.

This takes me to the point of seeing it like if city dogs were given a good income and way of life (in the form of processed food in bags; toys to play with and a nice house to live in), and a good health insurance benefit (in the form of veterinary visits, vaccinations and medical treatments when needed), but in exchange they have to cope with a stressing city life of living away from nature; dealing with strong and hurting city noises and contamination; and the typical life of confinement and oppressiveness of the city. So many humans would love to be able to get away from that, but instead bring dogs to the same kind of life they have, just to provide themselves with what is missing in their lives, even to the expense of the dog’s life.

Just a cat’s personal opinion.

Raul

.

Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , | Comments Off

A New Life

2016-03-24  A New Life (1)

Honestly, at this point I don’t know if I should cry or if I should laugh! The soft, permanent vibration in my whole body is been there for about a week now. The dizziness is a normal thing, and the low energy seems to be the norm by now. It is so difficult to stand up from a chair and walk. There is pain in my legs and hips, while more pain is moving all the times between my arms and neck. I feel like crap!

That’s Fibromyalgia Syndrome!

And that’s after the medicine has already kicked in! Lyrica does its job and reduce the symptoms, so I can move again; but the side effects like dizziness, the feeling of permanent vibration in the body and the pain moving around all the time is always there; the medicine reduce the symptoms but doesn’t eliminate them, and on top of that it adds the side effects. Oh, and the weight gain too!

It is a new life!

I remember the times when I didn’t feel my body, so that indicated me everything was fine. I could move, work on cars and do many things. Life was good but I didn’t know it. Now that all is gone I can see what it was. And sometimes I just wish for one day, just one day, without the pain and dizziness, and having the original levels of energy I used to have. Only one day!

I can’t do now not even half of what I used to do, but still keep doing things. A couple of days ago my wife and I went to Estes Park to see the pines with snow in that wonderful winter land. It was fun and we got amazed at the beautiful views all around; like looking at the picture in a puzzle or a chocolate box; or maybe those calendar pictures of national parks.

Hiking is the best way to appreciate nature to the fullest, but hiking for me has been reduced to half hour walk at the most, before having to stop and rest for an hour or so. Then it is also possible to see many places from a vehicle rather than walking. Not the best option, but somehow a good alternative. If you remember, sometime ago I posted my intentions of getting a Suzuki Samurai; a small jeep with an even smaller 1.3 litter engine. An all 4 wheel drive capable of going remote places. A replacement for walking when legs don’t work anymore as they used to be. Driving instead of walking!

It is a new life! So it seems the new, hurting and tumbling body will promote the change in the ways things are done. I don’t like it, but there is nothing I can do for now, so adapting is the only way to be able to still do things, even if it is not in the way it was planned before.

Driving a small jeep for two people and cargo. Being able to reach remote places to enjoy nature. It is a new kind of life. Not really enjoyable in the physical aspect with the new, deteriorated body; but still possible to enjoy life, nature, and all they have to offer!

Fibromyalgia Syndrome might make me tumble, but even tumbling and all I will still do things! This is not the end but just a new beginning…a new life!

Raul

.

Related Posts with Thumbnails
Posted in Thoughts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Comments Off