Being an aspie I know I cannot read faces, so I can’t tell what people is really saying. But I was shocked a couple of days ago when I learned that I can’t read no even my own face! It really confuses me and also worries me.
What happened is that I was at work and a cold that I had became really strong. I tried to keep working so not to loose vacation time because of leaving early, but after a couple of hours I was feeling so bad that I had no choice but to talk to the supervisor to go home.
My worries were that he might not believe me that I was really sick, so I was thinking of the way I should explain how I was feeling and the need to go to bed. I went to his office but he wasn’t there, so I looked around and saw him walking to his office. At about 60 feet distance from me he said: “You are too sick…you need to leave, right?”
I was shocked that from a distance he knew that I was sick! I didn’t even say a word. So when he reached me I told him I needed to leave; and so went home. The next day, when telling my wife about this, she said it was really easy to see I was sick because I had the face of a dead man!
Now, I did see my face several times in a mirror at work; since I had to blow my nose and the paper tissue is under a mirror; every time I went to blow my nose I saw my face, and it always looked the same to me. Back at home my face was like always (according to me), but my wife insisted that I looked like a dead man. When returning to work, in a conversation with the supervisor, he told me I looked really bad that day.
So it seems not only I cannot read other people’s faces, but also I cannot read my own!
Now, what worries me is that if my face was telling other people I was sick, but I couldn’t see it, that means my face is sending some signals that I’m not aware of. Could happen then that sometimes my face is talking while I’m not? And if so, what is it saying?
The reason I mention this is because many times at work I’m feeling fine with the people around me, but sometimes in those situation they still seem to retreat after a while. Until now I always thought it was because I don’t talk and people need to talk, so I’m boring to be with. But now I’m thinking that maybe my face is sending aggressive messages that I’m not aware of, and that’s why they just walk away.
Somehow it is funny when you think of it. Today I’m 51 years old (the picture above I took it on August 1, 2013 (today)) and still I cannot decipher the messages people’s faces send; and now I discover that I cannot even understand my own!