2013-05-29   Parenthood

I don’t know where I got this picture, but every time I see it reminds me of what parenthood has been for me!

Originally I didn’t want to have kids…ever! Since my relationship with my parents didn’t go very well, I grew up with the learned concept that kids are just a big problem, and the best that can happens when they come along uninvited was to hope for a quick growing up, so they will leave and parents will finally have a life, rest and joy.

My son did come “uninvited” (like most babies), but I remember a depressive state that lasted probably no more than 24 hrs. From then it has been all wonderful! He always seemed to be in the best age and we have enjoyed his presence all his life.

The joy of a little baby; when he started to walk; watching Barney the Dinosaur when he was about 5; competing reading Animorphs when he was 12; watching Star Wars together when he was 16; Talking about history when he was in his 20’s; now talking about society and human behavior while he is 24. Every stage in his growing process has been amazing, and little by little he has gone from son to friend. How many more wonderful times we’ll have as the years go by!

I still don’t understand why some parents want to push their kids out when they reach 18. I do understand that some times you learn faster how to survive in society by just jumping into the waters, but when we see that many times kids get limited in what they can do to have a better life because they have to take responsibilities like paying rent and bills, I just don’t get it!

At my work, many of my co-workers are young people in their 20’s, and I see them struggling to pay rent and bills, while at the same time try to pay for college, and trying to make time for classes and homework while having a full time job. Most of them end up quitting school after the first year!

Not only that, but when the only guidance they have is their friends their same age, mostly they learn how to spend in newer cars, latest movies and fancier cell phones, failing to see by this way how their lives will be in ten to twenty years in the future.

With this I see that some of this “kids” end up having babies after partying, and then there is no intention of taking responsibility for their own children. History repeats itself, but in a worst way.

At the other hand, there is so much fun spending time with my son, talking about so many things and sharing his and our projects and dreams.

Maybe I’m too old, or maybe too idealistic or naïve, but I don’t understand the concept of “time to depart” with our children, especially when in my concepts the most important part in life is not the material but the sentimental. Many of the things related to the material can be learned later when needed, but the feelings of pertaining, family love, company, support and understanding cannot be recovered later. You can learn to drive later in life when you need it, but can’t have the feelings and memories of being loved in your childhood and young years when those times are already gone!

What do you think? If you agree with the departing system, would you explain me the concept?



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4 Responses to Parenthood

  1. Kelvin Kao says:

    Any of the young kids at work see you as a father figure? I am guessing not.

    Perhaps the ones that want to push kids out at 18 were themselves pushed out when they were 18? I think we tend to do exactly what the parents did, or the exact opposite, depending on the relationship.
    Kelvin Kao´s last post ..Marionette Workshop (Intermediate): Weeks 3, 4

    Raul Reply:

    Hi Kelvin,

    Obviously the kids at work don’t see me as a father figure, but they don’t have any father figure anyway.

    What I’ve seen is that most people do tend to do the same thing and raise their children the same way they were; but then when are we going to improve things.

    I did change completely the way with my son in relation of my parents with me, and it has been amazing.

    Raul´s last post ..Parenthood

  2. Patricia says:

    Each of my three children are very different. My oldest taught herself to walk, didn’t want to nurse after 6 months – wanted a cup, and was very independent always. She does not hug or almost never says “I love you” and yet we are very close.
    Middle child could hardly let go her anxiety was severe and yet she is quite independent now and knows what she wants. She is a pied piper at school and the children are so drawn to her – she loves to hug and will come by to weed the garden and help clean – but wants not to be dependent.
    Number 3 is hyper active and had so much surgery over her life that she needed sort of bad cop, good cop parents and I was the heavy…she says I love you at the drop of a hat, but doesn’t want her parents to know what she is doing at 27….her special friends are most important to her

    I had reserved, elegant, dignified parents who thought I was silly and they criticized nearly every move. We were never friends but in the end My Mother thought I was the most marvelous parent she had ever seen ( she was a first grade teacher for 30 years – I thought that was the best way she could say something to me – she was always the parent, I was always the child even when I have assisting her in understanding death and helping her to let go.)

    I tried to like and love my children each in their own way and I think they have all forgiven me my mistakes. I think being a parent has been my true career and I believe I was exceptional at it and still am.

    With 3 my biggest mistake was getting too tired and not taking time for myself.

    I have worked with so many parents and I think some do not make an effort and some are over loving – if that is possible maybe over controlling. I think most try to do their best.

    It is fun to watch my new 3 year old neighbor from my kitchen window – wow can she manipulate her parents who dote on her It makes me laugh!

    We do not often get to choose our family of birth but we can choose how we approach others and create our own bonds.
    I love the polar bear picture – lovely.
    I miss my snugly child these days and have no grandies to fill in the needs :)
    Thanks for sharing
    Patricia´s last post ..HE’s GONE: a novel ~Deb Caletti

    Raul Reply:

    Hi Patricia,

    Yes, children have different personalities and we should adapt our “methods” to each one.

    I have only one child so there is no possibility of comparison, but I couldn’t be happier with the way my son is :)

    Raul´s last post ..Parenthood

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