Aspie World 3 – Communication

2013-03-02  Aspie World 3 - Communication

 

Bridges…I need bridges!

 

As I mentioned before, we aspies do like interacting with people, but we just don’t have the “software” required downloaded in our brains in order to do that. For that reason we do require what I consider (or at least visualize as) bridges from our minds to other people’s minds. While is a natural thing in normal people to have “highways” to reach others from their mind, we aspies are in a sort of “mind island”, where we can grow our internal world, but cannot connect with the outside, far away “mainland” of people minds (remember, Asperger’s Syndrome is a part of the Autism Spectrum).

While most people develop their own highways from their minds to the outside world from childhood, and increase them over time with natural interaction, we aspies require the help of outside people to create bridges from “their” minds to “our” island, so we can connect with them.

This help is as simple as starting a conversation with us, and taking charge in keeping continuity. With a big effort we can start a conversation, but most of the times we cannot keep it beyond a couple of phrases exchange, before we go back to mute for not knowing what else to say.

Another important point is that, since we don’t have practice in casual conversation, we have a strong tendency to talk very simple things that usually are sort of childish conversation for a normal person. Only when we get involved in a subject we know about, we can go longer and without much help in keeping up the conversation. Although in those cases usually we tend to talk too much and simply cannot read face expressions or subtle messages from the other person telling us they are not interested in the subject, or at least at that level of complexity, so we tend to become annoying to others, and in many cases people think we are arrogant or selfish.

So you know now; if you happen to be in the same room with an aspie that doesn’t participate, and you want to give him/her a hand, just start a conversation and keep it up by making question after question, without expecting a deep level conversation. For you it might be basic and boring, but for an aspie it’ll be nice and caring from your part, so you can consider it your good deed of the day. Thank you beforehand!     :)

Raul

 

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4 Responses to Aspie World 3 – Communication

  1. Patricia says:

    Raul,
    I think all of us have encountered a too talkative or boring person and we may not notice the quiet one at all – but you make an interesting point here about using the bridge metaphor. I think we all need to revamp our talking style. The first thing when I am teaching conflict resolution is that I start to teach people how to observe without emotion, what is going on….I help them stop blurting out from emotions first and then make the emotions work for them in win-win….the Aspie and Autism families always do the best because their children are teaching them…then we add back in or teach emotions and typical responses… everyone communicates better and feels more connected. So when the Aspie or Austim child blurts out something inappropriate I work at making it appropriate – I think we all need to practice more loving kindness – here is an opportunity…we are all a gift
    Patricia´s last post ..CHIN MUSIC ~Lee Edelstein

    Raul Ojeda Reply:

    Hi Patricia,

    Since most people do not have problems to communicate, they tend to assume others should be in the same plane, and when the other person doesn’t talk, they interpret it as a mood they themselves would have (“I don’t want to talk”) and get mad at the person, creating distance.

    Raul
    Raul Ojeda´s last post ..Aspie World 3 – Communication

    Patricia Reply:

    Raul,
    People do a lot of talking and making noise but very few communicate well – very few.
    Patricia´s last post ..CHIN MUSIC ~Lee Edelstein

    Raul Ojeda Reply:

    You’re right; one thing is talking, another thing is communicating. There are many monologes in group!

    Raul
    Raul Ojeda´s last post ..Aspie World 3 – Communication

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