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Thursday, April 24, 2014

The Commodity of Love

Posted by Raul on October 25, 2010

 

    What I Believe a Love Relationship Should Be

 

    -What we could expect from a love relationship.

    (What each one should do to accomplish the goal)

 —–

    -Friendship: Someone with whom we can talk honestly, share our dreams and fears and find mutual, honest support. Someone with whom we can trust each other as the only one in the world that will never fail to help and be there for the other.

    (Learning to give ourselves with honest interest and dedication; to become the “place to rest and recharge” for our loved one without any doubt of being safe, understood and supported; without criticism in the back, but honest talk with a genuine good intention instead)

    -Commitment: Someone with whom we can build something together; sharing the loads and the benefits of any enterprise we together decided to pursue.

    (Learning to play our cards for the other, and take any necessary risks involved without doubts and recriminations)

    -Sexuality: Someone with whom we can share sex, sweet touch and the physical pleasures of the human body, without societal restrictions when we are the two of us alone.

    (Learning that there’s a difference between public and private behavior and self expression, so being alone we don’t bring with us commonly accepted customs, but give ourselves openly and with care for the other’s needs and desires)

  -Pride: Someone with whom we can feel proud of being with in front of others in any situation that arises.

    (Learning to continually improve ourselves physically, mentally, knowledge, manners, etc, so to become a reason of pride to be with)

 —–

 My guess is that most people would agree with these points; but how many of us are working continually in our part, mentioned in parenthesis?

    To give love and to receive love there’s only one needed, but to keep love alive and growing, as for the existence of a relationship, there’s the need of two, and that implies the search is not only to find from who we can receive, but also to find to whom we can give and dedicate ourselves too.

    It seems to me it is “established” that finding love is about to find from whom we will receive, but disregarded the part where we give, which implies working hard and continually self pushing to be the one for the other….too common to say “This is the way I am” instead of thinking “What else could I do?”

    Continually working to be the kind of person our loved one need implies dedication and many times adaptation and even transformation.

    As long as love remains considered a “commodity” that we acquire to have the same way we have a fancy car: to have fun with; to look good with; to know it’s there for us when we need it, but forgotten when we are in “our stuff”, we will never create a relationship that works both ways; and just like one day the car simply won’t start or die on us while on the road, our love relationship will be gone.

    These are my conclusion from a “robotic” way of thinking :)

Raul

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Comments

6 Responses to “The Commodity of Love”
  1. Over the summer I read something that I found interesting. It is nice to have a list of what we want in a love relationship – but do we ever list what we have to give to that relationship and what we will give?

    Relationships are nuance filled. Sometimes I wonder if there are those of us who take more than we give and then there are those of us who give more than we take such that latter looses themselves in the relationship and the former takes that for granted. I think that relationships need each party to love themselves and maintain their own identity while giving to one another and accepting and supporting each other and the growth acquired.
    Thoughtful post.
    The Exception´s last post ..Together We Can

    Raul Reply:

    Hi The Exception,

    I guess when someone takes too much and the other gives too much, as you mention, there could be a problem of loosing identity for the one giving; and when -if- the need to recover an identity happens, it could be easily misunderstood for a sudden rush of selfishness when the one taking doesn’t receive in the same proportion.

    Thank you for the insight :)

    Raul

  2. Sara says:

    Raul — Thoughtful post, as usual. I met the “love of my life” online and the one thing I noticed about people dating online was they often had a hard time looking past the picture that went with the person’s profile.

    I had a guy friend who struggled with this and he was always ending up with the wrong woman. I kind did what TE suggested in her comment. We sat down one day and he wrote what was important for him in a relationship. When he finished his list, how the woman looked wasn’t as important as other characteristics. He realized he wanted someone who shared his life values. For example, he liked traveling and wanted someone who also enjoyed this.

    That being said, even if you do a find a person that suits you well, it’s a good idea to continually “refresh” the relationship and work at it…like you said in this post

    p.s. the only thing I would want to add to your list is to find someone who shares your sense of humor:~)
    Sara´s last post ..Story Photo- Cover Picture

    Raul Reply:

    Hi Sara,

    Refreshing the relationship…

    We change with time and new experiences as we go thru life, so definitely we need to “review” our relationships and adapt accordingly.

    Good point! Sharing the same sense of humor is definitely something really important in a relationship; especially when things get rough; having the possibility of laughing together can help big time in surviving the bad moments.

    Thank you for the contribution to the “list” :)

    Raul
    Raul´s last post ..The Commodity of Love

  3. Marion says:

    Raul

    I don’t know that any two people have the same idea about love.

    I agree with you that people do seem hell bent on finding love in the same way as they want on the property ladder but I think some people just don’t know how to love. It all seems to be done on a quid pro quo or who gets the brownie points basis.

    I don’t feel that I work hard at loving my husband. I think that we have accepted certain “givens” about our relationship: We love each other and everything we do comes from a positive place for the happiness of the other. We don’t take each other for granted and we talk – we don’t mind read.

    Another thought inspiring post Raul

    Thank you
    Marion´s last post ..Have you turned into a Frog

    Raul Reply:

    Hi Marion,

    It is true that some people just don’t know how to love…and if they don’t know, how they can teach their children, so the chain remains.

    And when love is real and from the heart, it shouldn’t feel like a task, but more like a natural thing that gives mutual reward to both in the process.

    Thank you for your comment :)

    Raul
    Raul´s last post ..The Commodity of Love

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