About Love And Castles



It is surprising sometimes to see how many love relationships go awry after just a short couple of years. When analyzing the approach many people use when dealing in a love relationship it stops being surprising.

Strangely enough it seems to be a common occurrence that many people go in a relationship in autopilot (Automated Relationships) without applying all the effort required to “build” that relationship.

We tend to see things as they are now and expect them to remain like that while we forget we both change as time goes by. We don’t build houses, we buy them already built and ready to use; we know they will deteriorate overtime and will need repairs and improvements, but we don’t seem to think the same way about a love relationship.

A relationship might start with basic mutual attraction and coincidence of personalities and tastes, but in order to develop a strong relationship it has to be built throughout the years.

If we want a big and strong relationship we have to build it as a castle, out of rock in solid ground, and still it’ll take many years of pain, tiredness and tears, but that’s the only way to achieve the desired big results that will bring satisfaction and comfort…the place to rest from the world (A Room Without Windows).

Paying attention to the needs and wants of our loved ones; learning about them through observation and analysis and bringing them what they need (and sometimes not necessarily what they want) will help them grow and develop as human beings at the same time that we develop and grow as well, and with it, our relationship will become stronger and capable to endure the tests of life.

It takes time, tiredness and tears, and a huge amount of patience, but just like building a castle that will give us protection from almost anything that might come our way while being our refuge, our relationship has to go through that long process in order to become a strong relationship that will stand the pass of time while enduring the elements that will come our way.

If we instead decided to go the short way and just lift a tent to shelter ourselves, our relationship, being that tent, will not withstand the pass of time and be capable to endure the tests of life. Soon it’ll become rags and will need to be replaced for a new tent or relationship (The End Once Again) unless we decide this time to go the long way and build that castle out of rock.

Seems a pretty basic concept isn’t it? Yet it is so often neglected.

Taking things for granted; expecting the other person to know us from the beginning; asking to give us what we need, yet we don’t take the time to observe and analyze the other person; we don’t give what they need but instead we give what we want to give or what we consider is what they want or need.

Then start to zigzag away in pain, without understanding what went wrong to end up in physical or emotional separate ways as many marriages we can see today, where the love relationship has become more a business partnership of mutual money generation to acquire material stuff to compensate for the lack of the feelings that used to be the original reason that started that relationship.


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2 Responses to About Love And Castles

  1. Raul: What a great post. You are so right that it is too easy to fall into the trap of taking people and relationships for granted. Relationships really flourish when we devote effort and attention and make sure they grow. This is something we continually have to do in order to experience all the wonderful things that a relationship has to offer. I thought what you said about giving “what we want” instead of giving “what they need” was an amazing insight. Thanks for sharing it and this great post.

    Raul Ojeda Reply:

    Hi Sibyl,

    Yes, we tend to do the mistake of confusing loving with wanting so we see things from our own perspective instead of the perspective of the loved one.

    Thank you for stopping by.

    Raul Ojeda´s last post ..Time, Paths and Memories

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