Please don’t cry! It is so strange to see you crying without the chance to give you a hug and hold you for a while, not being able to wipe your tears and tell you something silly to make you laugh.
And I’m seating here looking at you, wanting to touch you, hold your hand and go for a walk at the park just the same as we always used to do. Walk without aim while looking around the trees and birds and talking about anything that might come to mind at the moment; have a good laugh after a silly joke came out of nowhere.
I remember all the years together; the hopes, the fights, the plans and the simple things that made out our time as a couple. So many times becoming hell and wanting to leave but never did because at the end it is about doing this long trip that is life together, no matter what we encounter, no matter what we have to endure from life, we were always there for each other, even if it was with a hard face.
But then there were also the good times; the projects, the plans, the accomplishments, so many little things that made a big difference in something that wasn’t really important, except for us, like when we completed a small garden in the back yard, or painted the house together. We talked, we proposed, we argued, we agreed, we did and we laughed, then hugging each other we contemplated the end result that most of the time wasn’t what we planned but left us satisfied with the accomplishment of another little improvement of our surroundings.
And then there were the kids; those little monsters that made us worried when they were sick, made us laugh with their ingenious tricks to get something and their jokes while seating at the dining table; every accomplishment they had that made us proud. All the pictures accumulated for years with every event in life; and then they grew up to be themselves and walk their own path, leaving us satisfied yet somehow feeling alone.
So then again it was you and me, learning all from the beginning, learning to be just the two of us, reaching our memories for what we used to do. Playing with leaves by fall and making a snow man in winter, laughing like children in the bodies of old people, looking silly, maybe stupid, I don’t know.
That young, skinny girl I met so long ago that turned into an old woman with gray hair that I must say I still feel attractive in bed, even if you don’t like to see yourself naked in the mirror anymore. I guess is the years together, the many things we lived, enjoyed and endure; the path we walked with just a vague main plan, sometimes just surviving the moment and keep going forward with the hopes of a better tomorrow.
And now here we are, face to face yet so distant, both of us crying wanting to hug yet remaining apart; I’m seating here in front of you, talking to you while you can’t hear me and thinking you are alone. How can I let you know that I am with you? How can I tell you that I’ll be here for you, always? I wish I can go home with you!
She remained standing there for another moment, wanting to stay forever but knowing that she has to leave. Her older son holding her without saying a word mostly because didn’t really know what to say, so just remained there for her. Then the time came and they started to walk away from the empty place back to home…leaving behind her husband’s grave.