Posted by Raul on December 30, 2009
Please don’t cry! It is so strange to see you crying without the chance to give you a hug and hold you for a while, not being able to wipe your tears and tell you something silly to make you laugh.
And I’m seating here looking at you, wanting to touch you, hold your hand and go for a walk at the park just the same as we always used to do. Walk without aim while looking around the trees and birds and talking about anything that might come to mind at the moment; have a good laugh after a silly joke came out of nowhere.
I remember all the years together; the hopes, the fights, the plans and the simple things that made out our time as a couple. So many times becoming hell and wanting to leave but never did because at the end it is about doing this long trip that is life together, no matter what we encounter, no matter what we have to endure from life, we were always there for each other, even if it was with a hard face.
But then there were also the good times; the projects, the plans, the accomplishments, so many little things that made a big difference in something that wasn’t really important, except for us, like when we completed a small garden in the back yard, or painted the house together. We talked, we proposed, we argued, we agreed, we did and we laughed, then hugging each other we contemplated the end result that most of the time wasn’t what we planned but left us satisfied with the accomplishment of another little improvement of our surroundings.
And then there were the kids; those little monsters that made us worried when they were sick, made us laugh with their ingenious tricks to get something and their jokes while seating at the dining table; every accomplishment they had that made us proud. All the pictures accumulated for years with every event in life; and then they grew up to be themselves and walk their own path, leaving us satisfied yet somehow feeling alone.
So then again it was you and me, learning all from the beginning, learning to be just the two of us, reaching our memories for what we used to do. Playing with leaves by fall and making a snow man in winter, laughing like children in the bodies of old people, looking silly, maybe stupid, I don’t know.
That young, skinny girl I met so long ago that turned into an old woman with gray hair that I must say I still feel attractive in bed, even if you don’t like to see yourself naked in the mirror anymore. I guess is the years together, the many things we lived, enjoyed and endure; the path we walked with just a vague main plan, sometimes just surviving the moment and keep going forward with the hopes of a better tomorrow.
And now here we are, face to face yet so distant, both of us crying wanting to hug yet remaining apart; I’m seating here in front of you, talking to you while you can’t hear me and thinking you are alone. How can I let you know that I am with you? How can I tell you that I’ll be here for you, always? I wish I can go home with you!
She remained standing there for another moment, wanting to stay forever but knowing that she has to leave. Her older son holding her without saying a word mostly because didn’t really know what to say, so just remained there for her. Then the time came and they started to walk away from the empty place back to home…leaving behind her husband’s grave.
Posted by Raul on December 23, 2009
I’ve seen people afraid of the changes that normally occur throughout their lives; it seems that they would like a “stable” environment without changes so they know what will be tomorrow, mostly because it will be the same as yesterday; the uncertainty of new situations can make them feel uneasy, and sometimes even plain scared when they find themselves in unknown terrain.
Sometimes bad experiences create in some of this people the desire of retaining the stability of the present, mostly as a prevention of going back to a similar, sad, scary, or simply disliked situation from the past, even if the present situation might not be as enjoyable at all, but at least for them is still familiar terrain.
We were born naked and not knowing how to talk, how to walk, how to smile; we didn’t know a thing! We were completely helpless and dependant on someone else to take care of us or we would die. Today we know so many things that we have learned throughout the years, we have experienced so many situations and feelings that allow us to know better about who we are and why we are.
“Life is Change”
Our bodies change everyday from the moment we are born till the day we die; weather changes, Earth changes, everything is in perpetual motion, even the universe is expanding as we talk; living is about movement and change, so is about learning and adapting.
There are so many things to look back at and feel proud of, to feel happy about; sure we all made mistakes, we all had moments of shame, we all were abused at some point, and we all have memories that we want to forget, but we have a choice: do we remain stuck with our bad moments? Or do we use them as an experience that teach us something so now we know more, we know better?
At the other hand, we also have nice, funny, and wonderful memories from our past; we smile when, for whatever reason, recall those moments and have a brief opportunity to relive them in our minds; moments of a happy encounter, situations where we were assertive, when we throw the best joke in that group of people, when we accomplished something, etc.
Today is today and not yesterday, and tomorrow will be tomorrow and not today, so just being alive imply experiencing change, it is something we cannot avoid, but we can make the best of it by using the new day, the new situations, as an opportunity to improve things, or at least enjoy the fact that it is a new situation available for us to use. Being everyday the same would be like being all of us the same, with the same personality and experiences…boring!
So it is nice when we realize that tomorrow is another day that will allow us to change what we didn’t like today, or will be the chance to live another wonderful situation like the one we just had.
Raul
Posted by Raul on December 21, 2009
His hand moved quickly to reach for the pen and accidentally in the process touched the cup of coffee on the side, at the edge of the table. Some of the coffee was spilled and the cup started to fall to the kitchen floor.
A fraction of a second!
-He saw the cup, the shape, the colors, the image engraved in it.
-The moment when he opened the gift and found inside the cup.
-Her smile while looking at him expecting his approval for the gift.
-Giving her a hug and a kiss to thank her for the gift.
-Trying the new cup with some fresh brewed coffee.
-Holding the cup while enjoying the aroma.
-Spending some time looking at the cup and the engraved picture in it.
-Smiling at her to let her know that he liked the gift.
-Carefully washing the cup after using it for the first time.
-Finding a preferred spot for the cup in the kitchen.
-Using the cup for some coffee to relax after they had a fight.
-Looking at the cup and remembering so many good moments together.
-Taking the cup with him in that business trip so to have something from her.
-Getting mad when wanted a coffee in his cup and found it with something else in the refrigerator.
-He smiled in his mind!
-His surprise when in that road trip she served him coffee from the thermo in his cup.
-When did she put the cup in the baggage?
-Looking for the cup at the hotel room before leaving.
-Suspecting of someone taking it without permission.
-Finding it in the bathroom where he forgot to bring it back.
-Accustomed to see the cup in the preferred spot in the kitchen.
The cup touched the floor and instantly went into a thousand pieces that spread all over the kitchen. He remained there for a couple of seconds looking at the mess on the floor before letting some bad words out and standing from the chair to pick up the broken cup and clean up the mess.
Posted by Raul on December 19, 2009
After my computer decided to work slowly and do its own stuff instead of mine I had no other option but to call an expert to take a look and see what was going on.
He came with a small suitcase with mysterious tools, parts and discs, and after listening to my complains against my own machine he seated in front of the keyboard and started typing some mysterious codes and signs to communicate in a secret language with my computer.
After just a couple of seconds he opened what looked to me like a basement in the computer (I didn’t know a computer could have a basement!) and went inside a dark room that held white inscriptions that looked to me like Sanskrit. He then communicated with the spirit of the machine in this strange language to ask what the problem was and went to see different places inside the machine to check every system available.
Meanwhile I was standing behind the technician looking over his shoulder and ready to get any revival tool he might need, or at least a soda in case he got thirsty. Walking around nervous and hoping the patient would survive the procedure and recover to see another day.
The mysterious procedure continued while I kept an eye over the screen and I swear I saw an ugly rat running in a corner of the computer’s basement! I guess I haven’t cleaned my computer in a very long time.
After what seemed like an eternity, while the clock on the wall was sleeping and not moving at all, the technician proceeded to close the basement door, go back to a more familiar terrain for my (the desktop) and explain in a verbal version of the like Sanskrit language what the problem was, and all I could do was nod and say “I see” while thinking to myself “I can always call him back later to fix the computer again”
To my surprise, and after he let me seat in front of the keyboard to try things, the computer was fast again and this time it allowed me to do what I wanted to do instead of doing its own stuff, so encouraged by the results and motivated by my own ignorance about this mysterious machine, I decided to ask for some tweaking in my blog page; nothing big really, just a couple of little details that suppose to be easy to do but I just couldn’t get around on my own.
The technician then proceeded to go thru the walls of the desktop taking a strange path that required several written keys to open mysterious doors that led to new secret places in the computer, to finally reach a place where an even stranger language resides. He told me that this strange language was what makes things happen and look the way they look in the different pages of the blog, to what I answered: “I see, now I know”, and thought to myself: “like it’ll make any difference!”
He then proceeded to write in between those lines, in the same alien language, different instructions to the spirit of the machine to let him know what I wanted, and then went out of those secret places back to the desktop and the different pages to show me the results.
Amazing how things now are changed in the right way!
After the ceremony of collecting his tools, putting everything back in his small suitcase, receiving payment for his services and leaving my place, I quickly went back to the computer to play a little bit in this renewed machine. Now I can do things faster without the long waits and with the confidence that nothing should disappear before I’m finished with what I’m writing.
My only doubt now is if I should give some special treatment to the spirit of the computer to prevent him from getting mad at me and deciding again to do his own stuff instead of mine. Should I light some candles in both sides of the computer while working? I don’t know, but just in case, a pack of candles are noted in the next grocery list.
Raul
Posted by Raul on December 16, 2009
Have you been at a restaurant that tries to resemble an old house from a far away place? There are painted crack on the wall and painted bricks showing behind painted falling stucco; wooden chairs and varied decorations that give the place an old, deteriorated look. It is all prepared so to serve supposedly exotic food at an exotic price.
Then the look is transferred to the own house which is decorated with newer furniture that was made to look old, and is sold at elegant stores that charge very high prices. You enter that house and see old, not matching furniture and different types of decorations that give you the feeling of being in a poor family’s place, and it seems that it is considered elegant and classy.
This contradiction makes me wonder why some people spend so much money in trying to give this old and poor look to their houses as a way to look rich and wealthy. I am not talking about old furniture that has the look of coming out of a castle and give the place the appearance that a king lives there, but that style where furniture doesn’t match and look as coming from different places and times, like a wooden, smoked chair; a metallic one with a bright green upholstery; a small couch with a red and blue cover and holding in a corner several different pillows; different styles of lamps in each corner of the room, etc.
I come from a South American country and had the chance to see those places but not as an elegant option but rather as a hard reality, a reality that the same people who decorate their houses with this old look would not be willing to live.
What I know about that style is that it is the case of very often young couples just married and putting a house together with free stuff grabbed from here and there. Older couples would give them an old couch they don’t use anymore; someone would give them an old table that just need some little fixing and with it will provide more years of service; chairs are taken from different places so they don’t match, but they have a dining set!
In other words, what I know about that style is that it represents poverty, and the young couple dream of having the money to be able to buy “real” furniture were each piece match each other and the place; and have the possibility of buying the materials to fix those problems in the walls, and have a decent, smooth floor to step on.
This “not matching” style from my experience represents poverty, so the question for me is why looking old and poor is elegant? You can even find “inspiration” on different styles of not matching decorations in fancy magazines with color pictures showing all different elements a very high price each.
Yet the car has to be the newest possible and the electronics of the house and the personal gadgets also has to be the latest in the market.
Very strange indeed!
Raul
