Coughing to Coffin

2016-06-23  Coughing to Coffin

 

With the Flu-like Cold I brought from St Louis, MO in the last trip, sometimes I used to get endless sequences of uncontrollable coughing that seemed to never end. As you know, every time you cough you expel air from your lungs. Normally you would cough and then breathe, to then cough more, depending on the kind of cold you have.

This cold gave me some endless coughing that, at one hand made me feel my throat to be ripped apart like you could with a piece of meat if you grab it with both hands and then pull apart until it tears into two pieces. Then at the other hand, by being an endless sequence of coughing with no chance to breathe in between, quickly, while feeling the sharp pain in my throat, the lack of breathing and oxygen created a sharp pain in my chest, with the only option for me to just curl and hang in there.

A sharp, growing pain in my throat and vocal cords, while having a sharp pain in the chest, and the desperation of not being able to breathe. With eyes tightly closed everything became white and suddenly there was no up or down, no sides and no front or back, just white all around, floating. There was no pain and no fear, just the peace of not worrying, not thinking, not feeling. Inert, floating, being, but not being as we know. Rest, peace!

Later I opened my eyes and I was still curled in bed. My throat hurt, my chest hurt, my breathing was normal, there was no cough. It was all quiet, inside and out.

—————-

I’ve been close to death several times in my life and for different reasons, so I know what’s in the other side. That’s why I am not afraid of death. I know death will bring peace, rest, at least for me, because that’s what I’ve felt.

At one hand is great to know because then there is no fear for the end. I’m not afraid to die! But at the other hand it can be a bad thing. When you know your death will bring you rest, sometimes when situations become to complicated to handle, or sicknesses become to strong to fight, then there is the tendency to quit the fight and just desire and wait for death to come. I know because I’ve felt that way many times.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love life and I don’t want to die because there are so many things to do and so many places to see. Life is such a gift that it can become addictive! I love life and I still have a “barrel list” (rather than a bucket list) of things I want to do, try, experience. Death would be such a waste!!

But in those moments of strong sickness, when you can’t breathe and are in so much pain; or those moments when life becomes so complicated, with your projects, desires and problems so entangled and impossible to straighten up, death becomes so appealing!

I don’t know if other people have had these same situations of close encounters with death; or if they had a different perception of what death would be, like feeling scared of what they will find there. I don’t know also if anybody would believe me on what I say, but that is OK; I’m not trying to convince anybody of what I saw and felt; after all, we all will have our chance to see for ourselves at some point, right?

So all I wanted with this post was to let you know another perspective on what death could be; and how that perspective can influence the direction of our thoughts after a tipping point.

I could be wrong; I could be right, who knows. All that matters right now is that I acquired a peace of mind about death, and you have another perspective to analyze.

Raul

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Post Trip Flu

2016-06-20  Post Trip Flu (1)

 

Ouch!! Since coming back from the big trip to Indy 500, things have been painful!!

It wasn’t just tiredness of a long trip, but together with it I brought along a very weird kind of cold or flu. The main symptoms of whole body pain, cough and lack of energy are there, but also there are some new strange symptoms I have never experienced before. For instance, waking up with eyes covered in eye-discharge/boogers, to the point of making very difficult to open them; and after washing them properly the eyes remain red the whole day! I look pretty scary with my hair all revolted and the red eyes! LOL

Then the cough that goes in sequences that seem to never end, while feeling the throat being ripped apart! Ouch again! It has been so bad that my vocal cords cannot work properly again, and so it is very difficult for me to speak; it hurts to just pronounce a couple of words!

And then there seems to be no evolution in this thing. The pain in the throat is permanent; the pain in the vocal cords is permanent too. There is dizziness and tiredness. And every day is the same! No change to an evolving Flu that goes along its process, and all we have to do is wait the stipulated several days to be out of it. Not in thins case. Every day seems to be the same, with no evolving Flu that shows its walking to its end. I seem to be stuck!

At some point things seemed to be so bad, that I simply don’t remember a whole week after being back from the trip! My memory is blank. It goes from the arrival to yesterday as one day to the next, leaving out completely a whole week that suppose to be in between! I’ve been told what happened and I can easily associate that to a nonexistent day in my mind, but the whole thing is artificial and surreal. By what they tell me I can form a whole week of happenings and take the planning-like newly formed week in my mind and consider it a memory rather than a planning, but it still feels like a planning!

So that’s why I skipped Monday on posting. Didn’t have anything written to publish, and couldn’t write anything new, due to the dizziness and confusion in my head by the strange cold I brought as an unintended souvenir.

Hope in the next couple of days I can have a head that is not spinning, with a mind that is not dizzy, so I can put things together for a new post. This Flu-like thing is a very interesting process to analyze, and also the changes it is doing in me, like preventing me from smoking, already for 4 days, which is a very rare thing for me who have smoked through the hardest colds and flus and have smoked for more than 30 years so far, with an average of one pack a day, so I’m not light smoker; yet this cold hasn’t let me!

There are many things, so I’ll try to write more and tell you what is going on.

Raul

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Orlando Shooting

2016-06-16  Orlando Shooting (1)

 

And so what is to be said under a situation like this? Everything has already being said. There’s nothing to be added. We all know how horrifying can be a mass shooting like this one. The list and pictures of the 49 dead is already in the media. People like you and me.

I just can’t understand the mind of a “human” who consider himself allowed to “correct” mistakes. It’s like if someone kills you just because you are a woman, or just because you are a man. Where is logic to be found there?

The LGBT community has been fighting for rights for a long time. They have gained several so far, and so people have to accept, even if they don’t understand. Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transsexuals are all human beings just like everybody else. Little by little people is starting to understand the differences are really non existent. But they have such a long way to go, especially when situations like this happen.

“I don’t like the way you are. I say it is against God’s desires, so I kill you!” Somebody explain me that please?!!

Let’s see. I am an atheist, but I can get into a believers shoes to see things from another perspective. So we have this people who claim to be of a different sex from the one they were born in. From a religious point of view. These people have these feelings since birth. Usually they fought those feelings when they found resistance in society. They tried to be like everybody else. They failed. Why? Because they couldn’t go against their own nature, against their own inner feelings.

So they accepted who they are inside and try to live their lives according to their inner feelings. They are being true to themselves.

If they have these feelings since birth, that means they were created like that by God. That means God decided to create them like that, with those feelings. This means they are God’s creation. This means they are God’s creatures just like everybody else.

Or dare you challenge God’s thinking and/or decisions?

If you are a believer, would you say God made a mistake?

And why anybody would say LGBT is against God’s decisions?

They were like this since birth, so they were created like this, so they are God’s creations too!

Who would step up and say God made a mistake, and even more, say they have the right and moral obligation of correcting God’s mistake?

Still doesn’t fit in my mind!

As an atheist and thinking as a believer, still doesn’t fit in my mind.

I would think believers should be the first to accept and embrace the LGBT community since people in the LGBT are creatures of God just like everybody else.

Yet some kill in the name of God!

How disturbing human behavior and religion some times can be!!

Raul

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Indy 500

2016-06-09  Indy 500 (1)

 

Just a little bit ago we went to see the Indy 500 in it’s 100th run. Two years ago, while watching the race on TV with my son, we became enthusiastic with the idea of going to Indianapolis for the 100th run, so started to plan for the trip.

We left the house for a road trip on May 25th and came back on June 2nd . It was a 3,000 miles drive round trip where we had the opportunity to see and learn many things about this country, it’s people and it’s history. We had the big advantage that our son is a Historian, so at one hand we visited many historical places, while at the other we got personal classes of history (my wife and me) when our son explained in detail what happened in different instances of the US history.

It was a wonderful trip filled with amazing discoveries, big disappointments, a couple of good scares and many other human emotions. For my son it was a chance to learn more details about history, while for me it was an opportunity to observe human behavior under the variants of location, weather, local history and so on.

There’s so much I can tell you about what happened in the trip, and especially from the human behavior analysis point of view (a big part in the reason of this blog), so I will divide it by occurrence while trying to go in chronological order, which is the best way for me to remember when having such a terrible memory!!

So for now let me tell you in general that we had this trip to Indy 500; we encountered crazy weather that became an extreme experience when driving under torrential rain at 75mph with heavy traffic; we discovered a train patio while driving lost between the trains, trying to find a way out; we had arguments with hotel’s attendants because of the different levels of distrust companies have depending on their geographical location; We had the opportunity to experience all around the adaptability of the human specie to the consequences of its own doings; and also see how disconnected people can be, also independent of their geographical location.

There’s so much human behavior analysis accumulated after a trip to an event that congregated around 350,000 people in one specific point at one specific time (or at least those were the numbers given by the organization). And we got about 20 hours of video and thousand of pictures to process, to have the memories in order, so it will take me a while to get that part done; but I can still use pictures from the “big bag” to show you here as posts progress.

Hope in the next couple of posts you can enjoy the psychological trip it meant this visit to the Indy 500 and the whole trip getting there and back to Denver. You can see in the map above our trip starting from Denver on I-70 to reach Indiana, and the road back on top of it, taking a big portion of I-80. The green dot is a very curious place we visit to get the carburetor of my little car running, while the purple dots were the main destinations, and the orange dots some of the incidental places we visited while driving through there.

See you next post!

Raul

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Worlds Apart

2016-06-06  Worlds Apart

 

Checking someone’s site somewhere I found this drawing. I don’t know who did it, so credit to the creator of it; part because of the due credit, and part because it is a concept shown in an amazingly simple way!

We all have different perspectives, but we assume everybody should have our own perspective or they are wrong. Why? Because we live what we know and we know what we live. In other words, because what we know is the only thing we know, we tend to think what we know is the only way it exist, so we consider it “reality”; and so anyone that have a different knowledge, concept, idea, has to be wrong, just by the sole reason of what the other person think is different from what we know and think, so it doesn’t “conform” to “reality”!

The origin of fears to the unknown, the different, and with it, the origin of discrimination.

Crazy isn’t it?

Raul

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